You Don’t Have to Be Alone
Brian dialed the number Josh had given him as his parents’ home telephone on Thanksgiving.
“Hello,” a young woman answered.
“This is Brian Collins. Is Josh there?”
“Just a minute.”
Brian heard a muffled call to Josh announcing the caller and Josh came on the line.
“Mr. Collins, this is Josh.”
“Just why in the hell are you there and not with my daughter?” Brian demanded shortly.
“Didn’t Brianne tell you? She said she was through with me.” It still hurt to repeat the words. It made his throat ache with tears.
“As I understand it, you had made a jackass out of yourself when she said it.” Brian reminded him.
Josh had no defense. He had made an ass out of himself that day – and didn’t know how to fix it. How could he have said those things to her? How could he expect her to forgive him?
“The hell she’s through with you. If she was, she wouldn’t be crying herself to sleep. Last night, she curled up on the hearthrug with Big, buried her face in his neck and bawled. She hasn’t cried like that since her mother died. If you would’ve been here, I would have strangled you with my bare hands.” Coming from quiet, soft-spoken Brian Collins the threat was more ominous.
“She didn’t want to spend Christmas with me.”
“It would have killed you to come here? She’s flown all over the place to be with you. You’ve been here exactly once. You mean to tell me your family wouldn’t understand your being one day late for Christmas so you could be with Brianne?” Brian sighed heavily. “You’re an idiot, Josh. Brianne gave up nearly everything for you and you play a spoiled boy. I’d hoped you were better than that.”
“Everything?” Josh whispered.
“Everything,” Brian affirmed. “Her job. Her house – even Big. Your Christmas present, you stupid boy, was Brianne. She was going to leave and marry you.”
“She never—“
“And it would have killed you to play along for her sake? She was giddy as a school girl, making all her sweet little plans.”
Josh groaned. He had said some pretty nasty, unforgivable crap to her about being happy to string him along without commitment – and all the while she was getting ready to join him.
“And as long as I’m spilling the beans, I might as well tell you…” Brian hesitated. Maybe Josh didn’t deserve to know.
“What?”
“It’s not my place. It’s Brianne’s, if she wants you to know.”
“Where is she?”
“Her place – or what used to be her place.”
“With the snow and it being Christmas Eve, I doubt if I can get a flight out.” It had been snowing heavily all evening. A white Christmas would make it a treacherous drive as well, but he had to get to Brianne. “I’ll get there somehow.”
“See that you do.”
Josh rang off. For a moment, he closed his eyes to absorb all Brian had said. Brianne had given up her job and her home. She had wanted to marry him – all she had asked was he spend Christmas with her family. He had accused her of not wanting to committed relationship as long as the sex and the perks kept coming. He was the idiot boy Brian had named him. A man wouldn’t have done this to a woman he loved.
“Josh?” His mother placed a hand on his shoulder.
When he opened his eyes, tears escaped down his cheeks. “Brianne needs me, Mom. I’ve gotta get to her.”
“Of course, you do.”
“I’ll take Brianne’s car.”
“I’ll put in any emergency supplies you might need. Is your cell phone fully charged?”
“Yeah, I’d better go get some cold weather gear on.”
”Take extra.”
Tyler came in. “Want me to go with you?” he offered.
“No. I’ve got to be the one to fix this mess I made. I don’t know when I’ll be back.”
“But it’s Christmas Eve,” his sister protested.
“And hopefully by Christmas, I’ll be with Bree.”
“If you wait until tomorrow morning—“
“It could be too late.”
“I’ll go gas up the car while you get ready,” Tyler headed for the coat closet.
“Thanks, man.”
It was forty-five minutes before Josh got on to the road. It was slow going. The trip usually took three hours or less. Tonight it would take forever. 9:30 PM. He’d be lucky if he made Brianne’s by dawn.
What a fool he’d been. He’d spent all his time pushing when all she’d been asking for was time and understanding. In fact, he’d been pushing since the night they’d met. It hadn’t even been a year yet, but he hadn’t wanted to wait. He wanted it all now and his way. He’d shoved his lifestyle down her throat. All his previous girlfriends hadn’t minded the notoriety. None of them had been a sweet, little schoolteacher. They’d been happy enough to bask in his reflected spotlight. Not his Brianne. The fame. The money. They had been more of an obstacle for her.
Proof positive was the car he drove. It had been a monumental blunder. He had gotten her a top-of-the-line SUV and she had told him to keep it; her ancient Volvo was fine.
What had Brian said about her giving up Big? He’d never ask that of her. Big was her baby – and Josh was more than willing to keep the dog, rather than see him go to Jeff.
Jeff. This probably proved to Brianne’s brother he had been right about Josh all along, that he wasn’t man enough for his baby sister.
Brianne had quit her job, a job she loved.
Hadn’t Brian said Brianne was going to be Josh’s Christmas present? It was the only thing he wanted, to have he back, to have her love him again.
He certainly was the idiot Brian had named him. There were time when he could have been with Brianne; but like a coward, he hadn’t wanted to deal with the Collins males. If he had thought it was difficult before, it would be more than doubly hard to face them since he had made a fiasco of Brianne’s sweet Christmas surprise!
Tired of the thoughts chasing around in his head, he switched on the stereo for company. The saxophone of Curtis Stigers and the man’s gravely voice singing ‘I Wonder Why’ came from the speakers. It was Brianne’s CD and the song was almost prophetic: about love that was always a struggle. Brianne loved Stigers bluesy jazz and had introduced Josh to his music. Brianne’s tasted in music varied with her moods. Jazz. Country. Christian contemporary. They both were rabid Richard Marx fans. It had been Janie who introduced her cousin to ‘pop’ music and NSYNC. Brianne, he discovered, loved to dance – and she had declared their music great ‘driving’ music.
Josh grinned. And it had been Janie who had ‘given’ him to Brianne. Janie and the other woman at her group home had divvied-up the guys from the group, but no one had chosen JC. “You get JC,” Janie had announced to Brianne. So, it was declared he would be her favorite of the group. Brianne had later made several confessions to him that made him her ideal choice anyway. Blonde men left her cold, probably from having an over-bearing blonde brother, so Justin and Lance were out. It had been a man of Italian decent that had burned her so badly, so Joey held no particular allure for her. And Chris, she said he seemed like a guy to have for a friend for zany fun. That brought her back to JC Chasez. She’d always considered dark hair and blue eyes were a killer combination. And she’d thought he had a sweet face. So, she had been cool about having JC for her very own.
What no one could have guessed was the minute they met, cupid’s arrows would be flying fast and furious! Brianne had been brave enough to take the leap of faith – with both feet. Of course, she had decided on a summer vacation fling. Josh had decided on forever.
That day at WEG she had tried her best to avoid him. Since Janie’s day had been with Lance and Joey, Josh had been force to find ways to butt in. It was at the dance studio he’d had his big chance. He learned that Brianne had bought their videos so she could learn the dance steps and teach them to Janie. Brianne had been very adept at their choreography. Janie had welcomed Josh into their dance line up and told him he ‘belonged’ to Brianne. After that, he hadn’t left her side.
Stigers was now singing Brianne’s favorite and his most popular song: ‘Never Saw A Miracle’. Josh felt that way about Brianne. Their love had been a wonder. She had been a miracle in his life, one he’d never fully appreciated until he’d thought her lost to him.
“Curtis, my man,” he muttered to the stereo, “you’re just what I needed.”
Five and a half hours after he had left his parents home, Josh pulled into Brianne’s lane. It was beginning to drift shut. His eyes felt like grit. His neck and shoulders ached from gripping the wheel. He took a deep breath, now the hard part – getting Brianne to listen to him, to confess he’d acted like a spoiled boy, not a man.
Stepping out of the car, he sank calf-deep into the snow. It looked like he’d have to do some big time shoveling to get them to her father’s house later. As he made his way to the porch, he saw a Christmas tree lit in the living room. He doubted that she was still awake at three in the morning. Turning the doorknob, he found the front door unlocked. Stepping in, he was greeted by Big.
“Hey, fella,” he whispered as the huge animal wriggled and leaned on him in greeting. Rubbing the dog’s ears, he received a big doggie grin. “You’re coming with us,” Josh assured the dog, that was if Brianne forgave him.
Josh toed off his boots and knocked to snow off his jeans. “Where’s Bree, Big?” he asked as he removed his jacket. Seemingly understanding, the dog headed for the living room where the fireplace glowed with dying embers.
He found Brianne curled up on the sofa. She looked so little and pale. She was wearing the bathrobe he had accidentally left behind at Thanksgiving. She had been crying again, if her swollen eyelids and blotchy cheeks were any indication. He squatted next to sofa to put himself eye level with her.
“Hey, baby,” he whispered softly.
Brianne opened her eyes slowly. “Josh?”
“The same.” He gave her a smile and stroked her hair. “Merry Christmas, angel.”
She gave a little stretch and yawn. “What time is it?”
“A little after three.” This wasn’t going too badly. Of course, she was half-asleep yet.
“In the morning?”
“Yep.”
“Why are you here?”
“I drove for half the night to be with you.”
“Why?”
“Because this is where I need to be on Christmas and always, with you.”
“You wanted to be with your parents,” she reminded him sharply. She sat up and pulled the robe closer around her.
This was where it was going to get rocky, Josh decided fatefully. “I was wrong. I needed to be here.”
“Why?” she asked again. Agitated, she rose and went to the fireplace. She prodded the coals before adding another log. “I’m just the girl who wants ‘sex and perks’, remember?”
Josh groaned. He knew those were the words he’d have to eat. What demon had drove him to say those things to her? “I was just striking out, Bree. I was looking for a vulnerable spot.”
“Oh, and you hit it. You knew those were the two things that would upset me most and you went right in for the kill.” She stared into the flames instead of looking at him. She didn’t know if she could face him yet.
“I know. I was a jackass. I’m sorry, baby. I’d give anything in the world to take those words back. They were spoken in anger and spite.”
“You had to say the things that would hurt me the most,’ she said softly, her throat clogging with tears. “You could have said almost anything else. Instead you reduced my love to sex and money.”
Josh stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her. He took her hands in his. He was relieved to see she hadn’t removed her rings. “Like I said, I wish I could unsay the words, but I can’t. I can only apologize from the bottom of my heart for saying them and ask you to forgive me one more time.” He raised her left hand to his lips. “Forgive me, Brianne – and say you’ll marry me. Forgive me all my mistakes – and I know I've made a lot of them – and make me the happiest man I the world.”
“You mean that?”
“Which part? My wanting to marry you? Me making a shit load of mistakes? Or you making me happy?”
“All of it, I guess,” she answered in an uncertain voice.
“I meant every word.”
“When did you want to get married?”
“Now, would be good.” He smiled against her hair.
“How about after New Year’s and here?”
“I’d say let’s call it a date.”
”Okay.”
Josh nuzzled her neck and sent a silent prayer to God that he hadn’t lost Brianne through his stupidity.
“Josh?”
“Yeah, angel?”
“I gave my notice the Monday after Thanksgiving. Last Friday was my last day.”
The day he had decided to call and fight with her. Could he have made any bigger blunder?
“Jeff said he’d take the house and Big.”
“Big is our dog, baby. I never asked you to give him up.”
“You sure?”
“I’m positive. He’s a good traveler.”
Brianne snuggled back against him. “Josh?” Her voice was small and barely audible, so he had to lean in to hear her.
His arms tightened around her. He had a feeling his mistake was going to grow even larger with her next words. “What, Bree?”
“Friday, the doctor confirmed I was pregnant.”
Josh groaned. That must have been what Brian had begun to tell him! “Before or after our fight?”
“After.”
He turned her to face him. “Oh, God, baby, I’m sorry!”
She frowned. She thought he would welcome the news. “That I’m pregnant?”
“No! Never! That’s fantastic news! I mean, I’m sorry I put you through hell that day. You were doing all the things I had wanted and all the while I was acting like a primo jerk.” He bussed her forehead tenderly. “You are such a strong, brave lady. I don’t know that I deserve you.”
She gave him a shy smile. “I’ve decided you do.”
“And am I ever glad.”
Josh swept her up and carried her to the bedroom. Setting her on her feet by the bed, he pulled down the covers. He untied his robe and slid it from her shoulders. She was wearing the gown he had bought her. The robe. The rings. The gown. In her grief, she had been clinging to him. “You look beat. You climb on in.”
“How about you?”
“I’ve got to put the screen in front of the fireplace and turn off the tree lights. I’ll be right back.”
”Don’t be too long, Josh.”
“I won’t be, baby.”
Back in the living room, Josh dialed his cell phone.
“Josh?” came his mother’s anxious voice.
“I’m okay, Mom. We’re okay. Brianne and I are going to get married soon and you are going to be a grandmother.”
“Merry Christmas, son.”
“Merry Christmas, Mom.”
The next call he made was to Brian Collins.
“Yeah.”
“Mr. Collins, it’s your future son-in-law. I hear you’re going to be a grandfather.”
“See you two about three or so.”
“Yessir.”
Returning to the bedroom, he found Brianne already asleep. Undressing in the dark, he slid in behind her and held her in the shelter of his body.
“Mmm…Josh…” Brianne purred in her sleep and snuggled back against him.
“Merry Christmas, angel.”
When Josh woke later, it was to the sound of a truck in the driveway. Brianne slept on, probably exhausted from worry. Finding his discarded robe, he shrugged it on to check on the noise.
A large red pick-up truck with a snow blade was clearing the drive. Whoever it was had taken the liberty of moving the SUV. The driver spotted Josh and climbed out, followed by Big. It was Jeff Collins. He and Big came into the front hall.
“I see she took you back,” Jeff grumbled.
“I’m lucky she did.”
“If you hadn’t come on your own, I would’ve hunted your scrawny ass down.”
“And done what with it?” Josh mused. Jeff no longer had the power to intimidate him.
“I hadn’t figured that part out yet.”
Big came up and leaned against Josh. He begged for an ear rub and receiving it.
“We’re keeping Big. I never asked for her to get rid of him.”
“Good morning.”
Both men turned to see a sleepy-headed Brianne. She was wearing her old satin robe, the one she had worn her first night with Josh. That gave him an extra warm feeling. When she snuggled against his side, he felt validated.
“Merry Christmas, Jeff.”
“Merry Christmas, half-pint.”
“Coffee or cocoa?”
“Cocoa,” Jeff replied. The he questioned Josh. “Ever had her homemade cocoa?”
“Nope. We’re usually in Orlando.”
“She makes it just like Mom did.”
Impossible as it seemed, Jeff actually was making an attempt to be congenial!
After seeing Jeff off, Brianne headed for the bedroom, Josh in her wake.
“I won’t say he likes me, but at least, he isn’t acting like he hates me,” he remarked of her brother.
“He knows you’re a fact of life and there’s no running you off.” She shrugged out of her robe, then reached for the tie that kept his only garment secure. “And I want you here.”
“Bree?”
Her voice was soft and husky and oh-so seductive. “The only present I have for you is me.”
“That’s more than enough for me, angel.” He laid a gentle hand over her stomach. “But you’ve given me something extra, too.”
“Actually, this little Chasez got his start sometime during the Thanksgiving weekend.” She placed her hands over his.
“You sure?”
“We hadn’t been together for over two months and we haven’t been together since. It was pretty easy to determine when he was conceived.”
“My gifts for you are at Mom and Dad’s. I didn’t even think about bringing them when I came—“
She reached her arms around his neck to pull his head down for a lingering kiss. “All I really wanted was you.”
“You got me, Bree, all of me.”