Next Step
Shauna would never say she enjoyed touring, but she did manage to adjust. She’d never like sleeping in a different bed every night. It was just too unsettling, but JC did what he could to make her happy. If the way he did something didn’t work for her and it could be changed, he changed it without complaint. If she had a want, a wish or a whim, she learned to be careful in voicing it. Inevitably, if JC caught wind of it, whatever it was happened or appeared, be it some food or a larger ticket item. He made it clear he would do anything and everything in his power to keep Shauna happy and with him.
For JC, having Shauna by his side was the best thing for him. He didn’t have to miss her or worry time apart damaged their relationship. Even when they didn’t make love, having her head on the pillow next to his at night made him feel complete. Just having her body against his as they slept kept loneliness at bay. As far as he was concerned, nothing was too good for his Shauna. Anything she wanted, he’d get. If something wasn’t to her liking it was changed. He didn’t think of it as a sacrifice. He saw it as an insurance policy against her leaving. When she was with him his world was right.
Shauna waited as JC came backstage after his performance. It seemed she had been relegated to his personal towel holder on such nights. With a huge smile on his face and dripping sweat, he approached her. As he did nearly every time, he wrapped his arms around her in a happy, enthusiastic hug, his perspiration soaking into her clothes as well.
“Didja hear them, honey? They knew every word!” he declared, ecstatic over his fans participation in the show.
“I heard, Josh.” Shauna looped the towel around his neck, dabbing at his sweaty face and hair. It was still a mystery to her why his album hadn’t sold all that well. He was playing clubs instead of huge venues for the most part and he gave 200% every time he stepped out onto the stage. He had his private moments of discouragement, of course, but he didn’t dwell on that – he fed off the appreciative audiences no matter the size.
“I am high as a kite tonight,” he continued. “It’s such a head rush!” Unlike his tours with *NSYNC when he was jacked up on adrenaline and testosterone, now he had a positive outlet for the energy. He could make love to Shauna or he could just chatter away endlessly until he wound down. She never got that glazed-over, bored look when he droned on. How had he managed so many years without her? He kissed her soundly. “Let me get out of these clothes and we’ll go back to the hotel. I need some down time with my baby.”
“All righty.”
He kissed her again. This time it wasn’t a quick kiss. “Honey, how are you feeling tonight?” His big hands smoothed her hair as he gazed into her eyes.
Shauna couldn’t hide her surprise. What an odd thing to ask, seeing as how they had spent the entire day and most of the evening together. “I’m fine, Josh.”
“How fine is fine?”
“I am perfectly dandy.” She poked his ribs playfully. “Chasez, go get changed so you can feed me!”
Laughing, he grabbed her hand to drag her along to the dressing room.
The couple lingered over a light dinner in their hotel room. Later they stretched out on the big bed in their pajamas simply to hold one another. Once in a while one of them would speak; Mainly they cuddled, occasionally caressing or stroking the other.
JC loved quiet nights like this. Eventually they’d make love. Being like this was almost pre-foreplay. It relaxed him like nothing else had. Skimming his fingers over her shoulder, he brushed the strap of her chemise away. He brushed his mouth over the satiny flesh before nuzzling his face against her neck with a contented sigh. She felt so good in his arms, her warmth, her softness, the wonderful scent and textures of her.
Once more Shauna sensed something different in him. She had no definition for it…almost something tentative…maybe something he was unsure about. “Josh?”
“Hmm?…” He hummed against her neck, making her shiver.
“Is something wrong?”
Pulling his head back, he gave her a lazy smile. “I’ve got you in my arms. What could possibly be wrong?”
“I don’t know…you just seem…”
“Seem what?”
She shrugged.
“I’m happy. I’m content,” he told her.
“Oh…okay.”
“Only one thing could possibly make it better.”
“And what would that be?”
He brought her hand to his lips in a supremely romantic gesture. “Shauna…will you marry me?”
Shauna was stunned. She certainly had not see that coming.
At her silence, he chuckled uncomfortably. “Honey, I didn’t ask you to walk the plank over shark infested waters or anything…” he joked.
“It isn’t that…”
“Then what? I love you. You love me. I want you with me forever…Isn’t getting married the next step?”
“I – I guess so…”
“Well?”
Could she give up her way of life for his? “But I won’t always be able to be with you. I mean when my book—“
“Yeah, I know we won’t be joined at the hip or anything, but mostly we’d be together.”
“Can I say this is way too sudden and I have to catch up?”
He looked genuinely hurt. “You don’t wanna marry me?”
She was quick to answer. “I didn’t say that.”
“Then you do want to.”
Shauna sighed. He was not making this easy. “Yes, I suppose I do,” she stated truthfully. “But it isn’t something I take lightly. I would rather consider all the consequences first.”
“So you are saying ‘no’ for now?”
“I am saying ’maybe’ for now – or does this proposal have an expiration date?”
JC shook his head. “No, of course, it doesn’t, baby.” When she tried to pull away, he refused to let her go. “Where do you think you’re going?”
She studied his face, looking for signs of fury, irritation or defensiveness. What she saw was disappointment, embarrassment and a touch of pain, nothing to indicate he was angry with her. “I – I thought maybe you…”
“That I what? That I’m gonna pout because I didn’t get the answer I wanted? Okay, you shot me down, I guess I understand. I come with a lot of complications. I know it – and you had your doubts about living my lifestyle from the very beginning.”
“I do love you, Josh.”
Tucking her against him once more, he murmured, “I love you, too.”
“I’m sorry I spoiled your mood.”
JC laughed out loud. “Oh, Shauna, that’s priceless!”
“What?”
He grinned at her. “Me? Not in the mood? There’s you and me and a bed. I’m still in the mood.” Sweeping his hand down her back, he patted her satin clad-bottom. “I think dead is the only way to put me out of the mood.”
Shauna relaxed more fully against him.
“I sure as hell am not going to ‘punish’ you by withholding sex. How stupid is that? And I have a feeling it would bother me a whole lot more that it would you.” He sounded amused. “I’m not into self-torment.”
As it was, the couple didn’t make love that night. Shauna drifted off to sleep with the soothing sensation of JC’s hand sliding up and down her arm in a hypnotic caress. Usually he was the one who fell asleep first. Tonight thoughts in his head churned, keeping him awake.
Shauna had not jumped at his proposal. It did more than bruise his ego. It worried the hell out of him. She was a beautiful, strong, talented, independent woman. In a few weeks she would be leaving him to promote her book. There was already pre-release buzz about the book and the author. What if she got swept up in her own fame? Could their love survive two busy careers demanding travel? Isn’t that why celebrity relationships fell apart? Somehow he knew a ring and her commitment before they parted would bring her back.
Shauna knew, despite his protestations to the contrary, JC was not pleased by her less than enthusiastic acceptance of his marriage proposal. Of course, he pretended nothing was amiss between them. He was still the same passion generous lover he had always been. When he finished his performance at night, it was still Shauna his eyes sought first. The main shift in his behavior was his shows of jealousy. If he had suffered from it previously, he’d been very good at hiding it. Now he didn’t like her being alone with any unattached male. He suddenly guarded her, removing her from the sight of any man who looked at her with any interest. She had never been one of those women who enjoyed male jealousy. To Shauna, it smacked of distrust.
JC hustled Shauna onto the bus ahead of him. When that guy in the suit who had tried to chat her up the previous night was heading her way. JC grabbed her arm and escorted her to the bus. He knew by the flashing fury in her eyes and the stiff way she held herself there was going to be hell to pay for his actions.
Shauna waited until the door closed on their room before she let him have it. She spun on him, her hands on his chest to shove him away. “What in the hell do you think you are doing?” she demanded angrily. “I am not baggage to be drug around carelessly. If you even think you can treat me like that you have another thing coming, Chasez!”
“He—“
“He what? He talked to me? He looked at me? I am not so hideously ugly no man wants to look at me, you know!”
He put his hands out in placation, trying perhaps to touch her. “I know that honey. It’s not you that I don’t trust—“
“The hell it isn’t! I have never given you any reason to feel this way.” She moved around him to leave the compartment. Stomping to her office, she closed that door between them. That really tore it! How dare he be jealous of every single man with eyes? Did he think her faithless all of the sudden? Just because she didn’t jump at his marriage proposal? Furiously she paced the small room, trying to calm her rage. But as anger subsided, hurt and disappointment replaced it.
JC leaned on the wall next to her door, damning himself. He could hear her crying. The loud gulping sobs tore at his heart. He wanted nothing more than to shove the door open so he could hold her, comfort her. Damn! From day one he had promised to acknowledge a closed door as a sign she didn’t want anyone near her. He had to respect that rule. Finally, he called, “Shauna?…Honey?…Let me—“
“Go-a-way.” She pronounced each syllable as if he was dim-witted.
“Baby—“
“I have nothing more to say.”
With a frustrated sigh, he moved away and went back to their room. They had a several hour ride ahead of them. That would give her time to cool off.
JC tapped on Shauna’s door when they reached the hotel. “Shauna honey, we’re here.”
Opening the door, she wordlessly walked to their room. Retrieving her two bags, laptop and purse, she came back out.
Okay…so she still wasn’t talking to him, he thought wearily. At least they would have time alone to discuss it. They could be afforded more privacy in a hotel room. He reached down to take her bags only to be brushed off. Deciding not to fight her, he grabbed his own gear and followed her off the bus.
Somehow, JC lost Shauna in the melee of checking in. He didn’t panic until he got to their assigned room and there was no sign of her or her things. His heart hammered uncomfortably in his chest. Snatching up the telephone, he was deciding who to call first when there was a knock at the door. Dropping the receiver, he raced to fling open the door. “Shauna!—“
Instead of Shauna, a young desk clerk stood at the door. “Excuse me, Mr. Chasez. I was asked to deliver this to you personally.” Handing him an envelope, the clerk walked away.”
“I – umm – thanks,” JC muttered as he tore open the envelope.
Going back to the abandoned telephone, he dialed room 825.
“Hello, Josh.”
“Shauna, I have a million reasons for you to stay,” he told her quickly. “I love you. I need you. You’re my friend. You’re my lover. You’re my closest confidant and my biggest fan. You’re my very soul. You’re my music and my muse. I need your smile and your warmth and your sweetness and your love. Mom’ll kill me if I break your heart.” This reason drew a watery giggle from her. “Dad adores you. I adore you. My world is a whole lot better and brighter when you’re in it…”
Her voice was full of confused hurt. “Then why don’t you trust me?”
“I do trust you, honey,” he assured her.
“You don’t act like it.”
“I’m sorry. It isn’t you, I promise. It’s just…Well, damn, baby, ever since I’ve loved you I’ve been jealous.” JC sighed helplessly. “Okay, so I have this fear that someone else will come along and offer you a sane sorta love. It scares the hell outa me.” He offered up the vulnerable truth.
“I don’t love any sane sorta guy,” she said softly. “I love you.”
Luckily, she couldn’t see his grin. “You love me because I’m crazy? Is that it?” he asked teasingly. His heart was already returning to its normal rhythm.
“Uh-huh.”
“Then come up here and let this crazy guy love you.”
“You come down here and make me,” she challenged in a sultry tone.
“You got it!” Dropping the receiver, he grabbed the room’s keycard and hurried out the door.
Shauna opened her room door on the first knock. She was swept up into JC’s arms and carried to bed. He laid them down, dropping tender kisses all over her face and neck. She absorbed the sweetness for several moments before guiding his lips to hers. Burying her fingers in his dark curls, she gave as good as she got.
“Yes!” she gasped when his lips moved across her cheek.
“Yes what, honey?” he asked as his mouth made a foray down her throat.
“Yes, I’ll marry you.”
“What!” JC jerked back to stare down at her, not quite believing what he had heard.
“Yes, Joshua, I will marry you,” she repeated softly. She reached up to tuck a stray curl behind his ear. “I don’t want you feeling insecure about me.”
“Baby, it never was you. It’s me. I can’t promise I will never be jealous after we’re married either. It’s just…” He shrugged. “I don’t know…Maybe it is because I already had so much and then God gave me you. Do I deserve to be so happy, so blessed?”
“But that goes both ways, darling.”
Turning his head slightly, he pressed his lips to her palm. “You deserve the world – and I want to be the one who gives it to you.”
“I don’t want the world. I just want you and our little piece of the world, okay?”
She looked up at him so lovingly, so adoringly, JC felt a lump of grateful tears lodge in his throat. Did he truly deserve someone like Shauna? Did he deserve this much happiness?
“I suppose I can deal with a little jealous, Josh, but not the high-handedness. You should remember I don’t like to be manhandled.”
He smiled down at her as he rubbed the cheek she had slapped that first fateful night. “You’d think that wouldn’t have been something I’d forgotten, would you?”
“I love you,” Shauna whispered as she urged his head back down to hers. Her kiss was gentle, warm and oh-so-sweet. “No other man even remotely interests me. I don’t want another lover. The one I already have fulfills me completely. It’s you, Joshua. It always has been just you. Okay?”
“Way okay. Thank you for the kick in the pants, honey.”
With a teasing smile, she slid a soft hand under the waistband of his jeans and shorts, caressing his tight butt. “Speaking of pants…”
He laughed. :Shouldn’t we go back to our room?”
Shauna shook her head. “No one knows where we are. Let’s play hooky for a couple of hours.”
A naughty slow grin spread over JC’s face. “Sounds great, baby.”