Book Three: A Final Good-bye
Good-bye, My Friend
Taking a break from their studio session, Justin asked JC if he could visit with Melissa, who had been moved into a downstairs room complete with hospital bed.
“She’d enjoy the company,” JC assured him.
“JC!” Justin came out, shouting, ten minutes later.
“What?”
“It’s Mel!” Justin said in a rush. “Something’s wrong.”
JC ran for Melissa’s room with Justin on his heels. “She said something was wrong and to get you,” he explained.
Melissa lay on her bed, her eyes rolled back in her head, twitching and shaking.
“She’s seizing. Call 911,” JC commanded calmly.
While Justin placed the call, JC turned Melissa to her side. He stroked her hair and spoke in a soothing tone, reassuring her she wasn’t alone. “Hang on, baby. Please, hang on.”
“Joshua.” Doctor Grant had dropped all formal address when she approached JC and Justin at the hospital.
Both men rose from the vinyl cushions in the waiting room.
“How’s Mel?” JC asked, dread etched in every feature of his handsome face.
“She’s in and out of consciousness. It was a very bad seizure this time.”
“This time?” Justin was stunned. “’C, you never—“
“Mel didn’t want anyone pitying her.”
“It’s not pity. We love her, too.”
“How bad is bad?” JC looked to the doctor.
“I don’t want to put her through any confirming tests; she’s hanging on for all she’s worth. It looks as if she had a stroke – and I’d say the tumor has pretty much taken over the brainstem, which is why she is fading in and out.” Doctor Grant decided it was time JC had more information. “The brainstem controls consciousness and regulates breathing and cardiac rhythm.
“She’s dying now?” JC whispered, disbelieving.
“There isn’t much time, I’m afraid.”
“Then I need to be with her.”
“Go on in, Joshua.”
“Can I say good-bye?” Justin asked. “I knew her twenty minutes before JC.”
Doctor Grant nodded, thinking it may do the girl some good.
Both men entered Melissa’s room. She looked so small and pale among the monitors recording every function.
“Hi, guys,” she called softly.
“Hey, baby.” JC bent to kiss her forehead. He noticed one side of her face drooped a little. The stroke had done its damage.
“Hiya, Mel!” Justin cheered, forcing his smile to remain in place despite his sorrow. He had been in love with Melissa as a preteen, his first puppy love.
“I know, guys. I look like crap.” Her speech was a little sloppy from nerve paralysis.
“Melly, you’re always beautiful to me,” JC contended.
“You’re either blind or in love,” she quipped.
“So in love, baby.”
Justin couldn’t bear to look at her. He wanted to remember her as lively and beautiful. “I just wanted to stop in and check on you.”
“Thank you, Justin. I’m glad you’re here for Josh.”
“And you. We’ve been friends a long time, girl.”
She gave him the best lop-sided smile she could muster. “Yes, we have.”
Tears shined in Justin’s eyes. He knew the truth and he wasn’t going to pretend differently. “Good-bye, Mel.”
“Good-bye, Justin. I love you, too.”
Breaking down, he bent to hug her one last time. “You’ll make a kick-ass angel.”
“You betcha.” She smiled again, glad he was accepting the truth.
With one last squeeze, Justin left the room.
Melissa turned her head to see her beloved husband standing close, his beautiful blue eyes awash with tears. “I love you, Joshua.”
”I love you, Melissa.” JC answered as he always had even though his heart was breaking.
“Remember you promised to take care of our daughter.”
He nodded. “And you promised to fight.”
“I can’t much longer, baby. I’m sorry.”
“The doc only gave you a few weeks. You gave me two months. I’m selfish; I want forever.”
“I do promise to love you forever, Josh. Even if I’m not there, I’ll love you through Madison.”
“Don’t you want to see her, Mel?”
“I will. She just won’t know it’s me.”
“Melly…” he whispered helplessly.
“Blue-eyes, I love you so much.” Tears gathered in her eyes. “I didn’t mean for it to be this way. I planned a whole lifetime with you. Kids and grandkids and great-grandkids…You’ll be a wonderful father.”
JC gingerly climbed on to the bed to hold her one last time. “I love you, sweetness. I know it’s selfish of me to want to keep you here when you are in so much pain…” He kissed her softly. Their tears mingling on her cheeks. “I should tell you to let go, but I’m not ready yet. I’ll never be ready to lose you.”
Melissa touched his face and stroked his hair. “I love you, Joshua Scott. Good-bye.”
When her eyes closed, JC buried his face in her hair and wept.
For the next days, Melissa drifted in and out, never fully regaining the level of consciousness that allowed her to communicate.
JC remained at her side, holding her hand, talking to her – and sometimes he sang for her. He had read once comatose patients could hear and had awareness, even if they never opened their eyes. He wanted Melissa to know he wouldn’t desert her. He left her side only briefly when his mother insisted – and only then it was to shower, get a change of clothes. He slept in the chair by her bed.
JC had fallen asleep, his head resting on Melissa’s hand. He was awakened by the shrill alarm of her machines. He came fully awake when the doctors and nurses rushed in, someone throwing a light switch to illuminate the room.
A kindly nurse urged him away from the bed.
“What’s wrong?” JC demanded.
“Calm down, Mister Chasez,” the nurse said soothingly
“Mel!” he cried and struggled to get to her. Several nurses and orderlies thwarted him.
“Let the doctors work, Mister Chasez.”
“Mel…” He was nearly whimpering. “Baby, hold on. Don’t go yet…”
After many moments passed, a grim-faced doctor approached JC.
“I’m sorry, Mister Chasez.”
“She’s dead?” JC asked numbly.
“Her heart and lungs have stopped. There are no brain-waves.”
JC watched as they brought in more machines. “Then what are those for?” he demanded.
“To keep her body alive until the baby is delivered.”
“No…”
“It was her wish that the baby be saved.”
Doctor Grant handed JC a cup of coffee when she joined him. “I’m sorry, Joshua,” she said sincerely.
“What was it?”
“Another stroke.”
“Essentially, she’s dead.”
“I’m afraid so.”
“Then why is she being kept alive?”
“She wanted to give your baby the best chance for survival.”
JC had nothing to say.
“Joshua, Melissa was very clear from the beginning that your child was priority one.”
“Not to me,” he muttered.
“I’m sorry, but her wishes must be carried out. We’ll deliver the baby by cesarean section in a day or two, unless her condition deteriorates.”
“Deteriorates?” JC jumped to his feet, sloshing coffee over his hand. “Damn!” At least of the hot liquid proved to him he could still feel something. “How in the hell can her condition deteriorate? She’s dead!”
“I realize how difficult it must be—“
“Difficult? It’s impossible!”
Doctor Grant had no words to soothe the young man who had lost a wife and was about to gain a child. Instead, she opened her arms out to him and held him while he cried.
It was so hard to say good-bye, JC thought as he sat at Melissa’s bedside. He’d already said good-bye to her once all those years ago. It wasn’t fair that God was forcing him to do it again, making him lose her twice in a lifetime. She was everything to him – his very life!
“No, I’m not, Josh.”
JC spun around in his chair to see Melissa standing at the foot of the hospital bed. She was wearing her favorite summer dress, the one she had worn to marry him – and she looked healthy again. He glanced back at the bed – to the Melissa who hadn’t opened her eyes in weeks, who was being kept alive by beeping machines.
“That’s not me, Josh. I haven’t been there for some time.”
“Mel…come back,” he pleaded, tears streaming down his cheeks.
“I can’t, baby. That’s not the way it works.”
“Then how does it work? I need you.”
“Madison needs you,” she told him softly.
JC turned his face away.
“You haven’t been to see her yet. Why not?”
“She killed you.”
“No, the tumor killed me.”
“You could have been helped—“
“No, baby. In the end, I would have died and you would have been left with no one.”
“You don’t know that.”
Actually, I do know that. I was dying, Josh. I wanted to leave you with our child, a child made of the love we have for each other.” She held out her hand. “Let’s go see our daughter.”
Reluctantly, JC took her hand and rose from the chair. She didn’t feel quite the same, but he couldn’t say exactly what was different. She was warm, almost glowing…still something wasn’t quite right.
Melissa led him to the nursery. Looking through the large window, he saw pink and blue bundles in bassinets. “There’s our daughter.” Melissa pointed to a pink bundle that had ‘Chasez’ on the bassinet.
“She looks red and wrinkly.”
“You’re gonna have to work on that fatherly pride, blue-eyes,” she teased. “Most babies are – especially when they are premature. Give her a few more days.” She led him to the door. “Go hold her.”
“Mel—“
“Joshua Scott Chasez, that is your daughter. You are responsible for being her daddy for the rest of your life.” She more or less shoved JC through the door.
“Hey!”
The pleasant-faced nurse came forward. “Mister Chasez, glad you stopped to see your little girl. Your parents and friends have been here many times.” She lifted the tiny bundle carefully. “You’ll want to support her head.”
JC began to back away, but Melissa shoved him forward. “Knock it off already!” he muttered crossly.
The nurse looked at him strangely.
“Only you and Madison can see or hear me,” Melissa mused. “The nurse thinks you’re a wacko.”
“Thanks a whole helluva lot, Mel,” he grumbled.
“Hold your child, dammit – or I’ll leave now!” she demanded irritably.
“No!” JC pleaded. He didn’t want her to go. And if he was dreaming, he didn’t want to wake up to a world without her in it.
“Mister Chasez?” The nurse continued to eye him warily. Everyone knew the strain the man had been under with his wife kept alive only to insure the baby’s survival.
JC reached for the infant and cradled her to his chest. Immediately, he felt connected to his child. He didn’t see any of himself in her. A tuft of auburn hair and emerald green eyes. “She looks like you, sweetness.”
“I don’t know. Those might be your cheekbones.” Melissa stroked the baby’s cheek and received a happy coo.
“Definitely your nose,” he mused.
“Our baby, Josh, our daughter.”
“I want you here to help raise her. I can’t do this alone.”
“You won’t be alone. You’re family will be there. The guys will be there. I’ll be there in spirit – I’ll be her guardian angel.”
“I miss you, Melly.”
“I know. I miss you, too. I don’t know the whys, but this is the way it has to be.” Melissa brushed a kiss on the baby’s brow. “Whenever you really need me, Madison Marie, I’ll be there,” she promised her daughter in a whisper.
“You’re going.” JC knew it would be the last time he would see Melissa.
“I must.” She touched his cheek. “I’ll love you both forever. I needed to tell you that.”
“I’ll love you forever.”
“But I hope you’ll let someone else love you, too, blue-eyes.”
“Mel…”
She kissed him softly. “I love you.” The words echoed as she faded, then was gone.
JC lifted Madison and kissed her wrinkled, little forehead. “It’s you and me now.”
It was a beautiful day, JC thought as he held his infant daughter in his arms. Melissa would have appreciated the fact that the people attending her final farewell would not have to suffer heat or bad weather.
He flicked a fingertip at Madison’s button nose and she cooed, making him smile. His tears were spent. Melissa was no longer in pain and her legacy was their beautiful daughter. Madison was a very good baby. She was hardly ever fussy and she slept well. He moved her bassinet into his room, wanting her close. A couple of times, they had fallen asleep together in the big bed. He was learning fatherhood one day at a time.
“How’s my best girl?” Justin asked as he took Madison from JC.
“Nice accessory to that outfit.” Lance pointed to the diaper bag slung over JC’s shoulder.
“A dad’s gotta be prepared,” JC stated.
“She sure looks like Mel.” Chris stroked the baby’s soft cheek.
“Yeah, she does. She’s beautiful,” JC agreed proudly.
No one but Madison was aware of the young woman wearing her favorite summer dress, watching the proceedings. At JC’s words,
Melissa smiled , then walked away until she faded from site.