Book Three: A Final Good-bye
Finding Out
The headaches were fierce in the morning. Melissa didn’t even want to open her eyes, let alone get out of bed. If she moved, the nausea sent her to the bathroom to bow to the porcelain god. Wasn’t it too late for morning sickness?
JC noticed Melissa’s reluctance to rise that morning. He wondered what was wrong. He’d been gone a couple of weeks, so he couldn’t guess when this had begun. Usually, she was excited to face the day. And she wasn’t one for complaining, which made it even more difficult to know.
“Mel?” JC leaned over her.
“Hmm?” She kept her eyes close, knowing he was near enough to read her eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Liar.”
Opening her eyes, the pain and the worry was clear enough to see. “I’m afraid, Josh.”
By what he saw, so was he. Her agony had to be tremendous to be so plain. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered, tears rolling down her pale cheeks. “These headaches…They’re almost blinding. I don’t dare eat or I throw up. They ease up later. I’m afraid for the baby.”
He was afraid for her. Melissa was everything to him! “Have you talked to Doctor Rawson?”
“I was hoping they would stop…”
“Obviously not, sweetness.” He stroked her hair, trying to soothe her. “Call her.”
“What if the baby—“
JC shook his head. “We can always try again. You’re what’s important, Mel. I can take anything else.” He didn’t even let himself entertain the notion of something happening to her. He wouldn’t survive it.” “Make an appointment. I’ll get you there.
Melissa laid her head against his shoulder, sobbing softly. “It hurts,” she whispered helplessly.
Carefully, JC wrapped his arms around her, turning to cradle her head against his chest. This was bad. This was very bad. “I love you, baby. We’ll get through whatever it is together.”
For some time, they lay together – Melissa crying and JC holding her. He prayed she would be fine, that by some miracle her pain would disappear.
“Doctor Rawson, this is Melissa Chasez’s husband.”
“Brenda told me that Melissa is having terrible headaches.”
“They have to be bad for her to even complain. Theses make her cry.”
“That is bad.”
“She says she gets so nauseous she throws up and they ease up as the day goes on. She was in real agony this morning.”
“That really isn’t good.”
“She’s worried it’s the baby.”
“I doubt that, not by the symptoms you’re describing.”
“That’ll be a relief to her.”
“Not to you?”
“I want this baby, but Melissa is my first priority.”
“Nice to hear, Mister Chasez. I am going to call a colleague of mine and see what she says. I’ll get back to you as soon as I’m able.”
“I’d appreciate that.”
Ringing off, JC went to find Melissa. She sat on the living room sofa, her eyes closed.
“That was Doctor Rawson,” he told her as he sat beside her. She looked so pale and fragile, despite her six month tummy. Placing his hand on the mound of their first child, he felt the baby move. That was so exciting – even after feeling it a dozen times. “She said that it probably isn’t Junior here.”
Melissa opened her eyes, giving him a small smile. “Thank you for asking for me.”
“I didn’t exactly ask. I just said you were worried.”
She folded both hands over the one of his resting on her stomach. “We’re due for another ultrasound. Maybe this time Junior will cooperate.”
“I just want you to be okay,” he murmured.
Melissa had the strange feeling of certain destiny – her time with JC was short. She was not about to share that bit of news with him, upsetting him unnecessarily.
“How’re you feeling now?”
“Except for a bit of a headache, not bad.”
“Melly…”
“Hush, baby.” She put a gentle finger to his lips.
Taking her hand, he kissed her fingertips and palm.
“I’m sorry to cause you such worry, Josh. You have enough to worry about.”
“You’re my wife – the love of my life. Whatever we do, we’re in it together.”
She urged his head down to her shoulder. She nuzzled him, dropping soft kisses on his brow and cheek.
“You shouldn’t be comforting me, Mel. I should be soothing you.”
“It all evens out in the end.” Her lips brushed his. “Besides, this has its own rewards.”
JC was surprised at the passion in her next kiss. Granted they had been apart for weeks, but he hadn’t expected she’d be in the mood for a bedroom romp! His hand moved to the buttons of her blouse, releasing them. Parting the fabric, he caressed the silky skin he’d exposed.
“Oh, yes, Josh,” she whispered.
Rising, he scooped her up to carry her to their bedroom. Setting her to her feet, he undressed her unhurriedly. “Baby, you are so beautiful. I didn’t know carrying my child could make you even more so.”
Teasingly, she ran her hand up his chest, beneath his shirt. “I’m glad you feel that way. I get fatter everyday.” JC disrobed and lay back on the bed with his wife. “You sure you want this?”
“Very sure, blue-eyes. Your love is the cure for what ails me.”
JC only wished that were true.
JC stirred from his love induced slumber at the sound of the bedside telephone. His eyes blinked open as Melissa reached over him to answer it.
“Hello…Doctor Rawson…Well, I guess so…” she sighed unhappily. “Is it really necessary? Josh, just got home…” Another sigh. “Tomorrow then. Thank you for calling.” Melissa leaned over JC to replace the receiver, then sat up against the headboard.
“What?” JC asked.
“She wants me to spend a day or so at the hospital to run some tests.
He didn’t like the sound of that.
“She says tomorrow afternoon since the headaches ease up. They want me for an over-night so they can gauge the pain intensity and pattern.”
“I’ll stay with you, Mel.”
“Nonsense, Josh. One of us should be comfortable.”
“You know I can sleep just about anywhere. I want to be with you, baby.”
“Josh—“
“Dammit, I’m your husband!” he growled. “You don’t need to protect me. I’m not the teenage boy you felt you had to protect.”
She turned wide eyes on him at his outburst.
“Think I didn’t know? I knew guys thought you could do better. I realize you were always the tougher one, the leader. Hell, every decision was ultimately made by you.”
“Josh—“
“Baby, like I said before, you were a force of nature. I was more than happy to go where you led. You were more worldly, more street-wise, smarter and braver. I trusted you with everything in me.”
“You sound like I led you around by the nose,” she protested.
“No, the part of my anatomy you had me by was lower,” he mused.
“Joshua!”
“Mel, you were years ahead of me then. Give me credit for some maturity. I’m your husband and I am going to stay with you at the hospital. I need to be with you.”
Melissa’s façade of cool crumpled before his very eyes. She moved to snuggle as close as she could, letting his strong arms hold her. “I’m scared,” she whispered.
“Me, too, Melly,” JC confessed. “I need to be with you.”
She nodded
Doctor Rawson was not particularly surprised when Melissa’s husband requested he be allowed to stay with his wife – even overnight. Money was no object. Joshua Chasez openly adored his wife and seemed devoted to her despite his career and fame.
Doctor Grant was a tall, serious, older woman. Definitely, a no-nonsense doctor. She was pleasant enough to the young couple but not warm.
JC stayed with Melissa throughout the battery of seemingly silly tests. What could they tell by how she walked or touched her nose or made faces? Neither doctor seemed to give any indication of how Melissa was doing; they had schooled their faces into neutral pleasantness.
Melissa sagged against JC as the two doctors scribbled notes on their clipboards. She was physically and emotionally drained. All she wanted was a bed. “I’m whipped and I haven’t done anything.”
“Pregnant ladies are entitled to be tired,” JC told her.
She gave him a sleepy smile. “I’ll nap right here. Don’t let me hit the floor, okay?”
He grinned down at her. “I promise, Mel.” He was surprised when she closed her eyes and went lax. “Uh, Doctor Rawson, Mel is out cold,” he announced as he caught Melissa up in his arms.
“What happened?” Rawson asked.
“She said she was whipped and said she’d take a nap. I thought she was joking, but she closed her eyes and went out that fast.”
Doctor Grant indicated he should put her into bed. Tenderly, he laid her down, pulling the light blanket around her.
“This isn’t like Mel,” he told them. “I’ve known her since we were teenagers. She doesn’t just go out like that.”
“Have you noticed any other changes? No matter how insignificant they seem?” Grant asked.
JC shrugged. “She stumbles some times, but I thought that might be the baby and the extra weight. She seems to want to sleep more, but that’s baby, too.”
The doctor nodded solemnly.
“It’s not the baby?” JC questioned, feeling dread clench his insides.
“We doubt that, Mister Chasez,” Doctor Rawson stated quietly.
“Something is wrong with Melissa? Really wrong?”
“We don’t want to upset you needlessly, Joshua.” Doctor Rawson dropped the formal address. “We have a few more tests to run before we even attempt a diagnosis.”
“I can’t lose her, Doctor Rawson. Mel is everything to me.”
“That’s fine. Whatever tests you can do without harming the baby.” Melissa was adamant on that point.
“Mel…” JC started to protest.
“It is my decision to make.”
“That leaves MRI.” Doctor Grant made no attempt to argue with the young woman. “It’s a fairly reliable tool.”
“Thank you.”
The doctor nodded. “I’ll see you in the morning then.”
“Doctor Grant, can I go out and get us something to eat?” JC asked.
“You don’t like our cuisine. Mister Chasez?”
“No offense, ma’am but no.”
Doctor Grant chuckled. “None taken. Go right ahead and get something decent to eat. Good evening.”
The couple watched as the doctor left and they were alone for the first time since their arrival.
“I guess, you don’t mind being the squeaky wheel, Mister Chasez,” Melissa teased as she lay back on the bed.
“What do you mean?”
“First of all, you’re spending the night. Secondly…” She swept her hand towards the other bed that had been shoved against hers, so they could sleep side by side. “I don’t know how kosher that is. Bringing meals in.” She shrugged. “Squeaky wheels get the grease – you’re certainly getting your way.”
He sat on the edge of her bed, smoothing her hair. “I want you to be comfortable, Mel – and I want to be with you.”
“You’re such a sweetheart.” She took his hand and nuzzled his palm. “You’re very special, husband of mine.”
“I’ve loved you close to eight years, Mel and I plan to keep on loving you until we’re old and gray.”
Melissa knew only one of them would live to be old. Tears gathered in her eyes. She loved him so and she didn’t want to leave him again.
“Melly?”
“Pregnant lady mood swings,” she lied.
“Well, at least, with the next one I’ll know what to expect.”
“I guess you will.” But it wouldn’t be her child.
“So, sweetness, what do you want for dinner? Orlando is your oyster.”
“I’m really not very hungry, Josh.”
“You gotta keep your strength up.”
“Get what you want.”
"Junior doesn’t like Chinese.” The baby had protested every foray Melissa had made into Oriental cuisine.
“I can share some chicken fried rice.”
“You sure? I’ll get anything you want.”
“That’ll be fine, Josh. Really.”
“Want me to bring anything else back?”
“No. I’m fine, blue-eyes.”
JC felt something wasn’t right…the way she was acting was…strange somehow. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“You don’t have to be in a rush.”
He kissed her softly, then headed for the door. Why did he feel one day he’d leave her and never see her again? At the door, he called, “I love you, Melissa.”
“I love you, too, Joshua.”
Once he was gone from the room, Melissa allowed herself the luxury of real tears. JC hadn’t read the doctors’ eyes like she had. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.
JC woke before Melissa the next morning. He hesitated to move for fear of waking her. Once awake, she would spend hours with one of her terrible headaches. During the night, hand holding had evidentially not been enough closeness for her. One of her legs was wedged between his and her hand had crept under his shirt to rest on his stomach. He must be her security blanket. And that made him feel bad for all the times he had not been there for her.
He simply watched her sleep. She was so beautiful, so young. Those damn headaches were sucking the life out of her. It was impossible to fathom that something could be seriously wrong with Melissa – not when their life together held so much promise!
She was awake – He knew the exact moment it happened. Her face paled and she got that pinched look. He reached over, stroking her hair tenderly. “I wish I could take the pain for you, Melly,” he told her quietly.
Melissa gave a sad smile without opening her eyes. “I’d gladly share."
“How long have you had these?”
“They started months ago.”
His first reaction was to shout ‘What!’ – but he managed a calm, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You had so much going on…”
“Nothing more important than you, baby.”
Melissa opened her eyes. “You’ve always been so wonderful to me.”
“I’ve always felt that way about you.” His heart ached; it was like she was saying good-bye.
She removed her hand from beneath his shirt and placed it over his heart. “No girl has ever had a sweeter, more caring, gentle first lover.”
“I didn’t know what I was doing. I just knew I wanted to love you.”
“You were pretty special, Chasez. I never understood why so many others didn’t see it.”
“Because you were the hottest seventeen year old in Orlando,” he reminded her teasingly.
“Good morning!” The first shift nurse cheered as she strode into the room.
Melissa winced at the loud voice.
“Missus Chasez has headaches of a morning,” JC growled lowly. “Please, keep your voice down.”
The nurse was immediately chastened. “I am sorry, Missus Chasez.”
“Josh is kind of protective,” Melissa explained as she rolled to her back.
The nurse smiled at the mound of tummy. “It’s a nice was for an expectant father to be.”
Melissa’s MRI’s were scheduled for the afternoon, since she would be better able to tolerate the noisy machine than early morning. When they were finished with her, it was a pale, exhausted Melissa who gratefully sat in the wheelchair to return to her hospital room.
JC couldn’t believe the difference a few weeks had made in his cheerful, ball-of-fire wife. She had been keeping this secret for some time, protecting him. Finally, the pretense had ended – and he saw she was exhausted, weepy and frightened – And he was very afraid he could not maintain a brave front for her sake. She was too vital to his life.
Melissa clambered into bed and closed her eyes. She felt JC pull the blanket over her, then smooth her hair back.
“You’re tired, aren’t you, baby?” he asked softly.
“Mmm-hmm…”
“Can I get you something?”
“No, thank you, Josh. I just want to rest for a while.”
“I’m going to make some calls. You’ll be okay?”
She opened her eyes to smile up at him. She’d have to make a concerted effort not to worry him so much. The poor man looked so troubled and she was to blame. “As long as I get a kiss to tie me over.”
“Gladly.” He bent to kiss her leisurely, a kiss more of love than of passion. “I love you, Melly,” he murmured before he closed his mouth over hers again.
“Josh, do me a favor.”
“Anything.”
“Take some time for yourself, please. Go do something more than make a call from the hallway. Go see somebody else. I’ll be okay. I’ll take a nap and you can bring dinner back.”
“You sure?”
“Positive.”
JC felt the need to get away, to cry and worry out of her sight. He was so damned scared. He couldn’t lose Melissa. He wouldn’t survive it a second time. “I love you so much, baby,” he whispered.
“I love you, too, Josh. I’ll love you forever.” Tears gathered in her eyes. “Don’t ever forget that, okay?”
“You won’t let me.”
Melissa closed her eyes rather than buy into a lie.
JC went home. The first call he placed was to Johnny. He told the manager Melissa was sick and he wouldn’t be away from her until she was better. Luckily, he had already planned to take the rest of Melissa’s pregnancy off as well as some time following the baby’s birth. Johnny asked to be kept informed.
The next call he made was to his parents’ home. Only his mother was there.
“Mom, Mel’s sick,” he announced sadly.
“Has her pregnancy been that rough?” Karen Chasez asked of her daughter-in-law.
“It’s not the baby. From the tests they’re taking I think it’s her head.”
“Psychosomatic?”
“No. Her brain.”
“Oh, my!”
“She has these killer headaches that make her sick. She blacks-out. She falls asleep at the drop of a hat. Mom, I’m scared. Really scared. Mel’s always been the tough one.”
“Josh, you are tough, too, or you wouldn’t be where you are today,” she reminded him.
“I can’t do without her, Mom.”
“No one says you have to.”
“She won’t do anything to harm the baby. She even refuses to take anything for the pain.”
“Melissa told me how much she wants this baby.”
“I want it, too, but not at the risk of Melissa.”
“Josh—“
“Can you come, Mom? I could really use the support.”
“Of course, I’ll come. I’ll talk to your father and let you know when I can get there.”
“Thanks. Call my cell.”
“Josh, the best thing you can do for Melissa is pray – that and let her know you love her,” his mother told him.
“I’m doing both.”
“I’ll see you as soon as I can.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
JC rung off and lay across the bed. He held Melissa’s pillow and sobbed until he was wrung dry.