As it was, JC couldn’t fly to Los Angeles the next day. He called and cancelled all his meetings until after Christmas. He wanted to spend every moment Adria could spare together.
As it was, she declared herself on a mini-vacation. The President Elect was in Hawaii and the hard part of her job was done for the time being. Once the inauguration was over, the hard part would begin again, keeping the new president connected with the people. Of course, in the mean time she had to fly to DC to apartment hunt. She loathed the idea. She had always called Chicago home. Her friends were here. A lifetime of memories were here in the Windy City. Her dim memories of her parents. Growing up in Nonna’s apartment. Childhood through adulthood Chicago had always been home. She loved her apartment with the bygone era charm and foibles. She doubted in the Capitol she could find such a quaint apartment with a fireplace.
And what was more, she didn’t like the security and pressure. She had taken on the challenge Barak Obama had given her to prove to herself she could make a difference. She felt she truly had. Of course, this new phase held new challenges but for how long? Could she keep her perspective fresh for four years and perhaps eight?
Doubts and discontent haunted her.
“Why the big sigh?” JC asked as he came up behind Adria as she stared out on the snow-covered city scape. His arms went around her waist to tug her gently against him.
Adria rested her head back on his shoulder. What could she say? She had always been driven, wanting to make her mark – Now she had been decisive, so certain what she wanted – and maybe it wasn’t what she wanted after all. “Just thinking how my life will change.”
“It didn’t sound like a happy sigh, honey.”
“I’m just not sure anymore.”
“About?”
“I don’t know I want to move my life to DC. Isn’t that crazy? I mean it is a chance of a lifetime…”
He nuzzled her tenderly. “Maybe it isn’t right for you right now.” Being the President’s webmistress would be very confining. He remembered how she had said creating sites gave her a creative outlet. Her creativity would be stifled by restrictions and security.
“I hate feeling this way. I want to be sure. I want no regrets. I want a plan.”
Her and her plans. “Sometimes flying by the seat of your pants gets you farther.”
“If you don’t have a map, you don’t know where you’re going.”
“And when you get to your final destination it’s a marvelous surprise and you know you belong.”
“So says the man with no plan,” she scoffed.
“I’m not the one with the doubts. You are.”
She sighed and leaned more into him.
“Adria, I had been ‘on’ since I was fourteen. When MMC ended, hell it was the first time I didn’t have a job to go to – and I was a teenager. I drifted for less than a year before *NSYNC started to take shape. We struggled to create ourselves. We went to Europe and worked constantly. Then we came home and were nobodies. When we got our big break, we worked non-stop until 2002. I fought for Schizophrenic, but the record company could have cared less. You were disappointed Kate never happened. You think I wasn’t? As part of *NSYNC I was worth something. As JC Chasez, I was nothing.”
“They had their golden Timberfuck,” she grumbled.
Yeah, she was still his fan, he mused. He wasn’t about to chastise her and remind her he had tried to remain friends with his former band mates. “I can’t say it didn’t hurt. It did and it still does. But as for a life plan... I think I deserve to dabble till I find my niche again.”
“You’re so talented...”
“I’m not wasting it. I’m stretching myself when I act. I’m never gonna win an Oscar, but I do enjoy challenging myself. You see it as no plan. I see it as something to challenge myself.”
“I guess I was raised differently.”
“You were raised by a hardworking immigrant grandmother who always had to know how every dime was spent and had to know where it was coming from. She was an awesome lady. I respect what she went through, but, baby, I don’t live in fear of every dime.”
“Even in these bad economics?”
“I won’t be selling my houses anytime soon, but they’re paid for. I have money. And I don’t do the movies for free,” he chided her.
“I’ve promised to go...”
“You can back out.”
She shook her head.
JC saw it as a refusal to escape something she didn’t want because it went against her plan.
Adria merely meant she just didn’t know what to do any longer.
Christmas Eve came. Just after dinner JC and Adria dressed in what her nonna had called their ‘Sunday best’. JC in slacks, turtleneck and blazer under his wool topcoat and Adria in a sweater dress, heels and wool trench coat. They headed to Harry and Giselle’s house while Kai protested in little yips and whimpers.
“I feel like a terrible mom,” Adria murmured as she locked the apartment door.
“He’ll settle down once he sees it doesn’t do him any good,” JC assured her. He led her to his SUV. If by some miracle she decided to stay in Chicago, he was going to have to buy or lease a vehicle. Her Prius was fine, but in winter, he liked the security of four-wheel drive.
“So how many of us are going to mass tonight?”
“Four.”
“Four?”
“Usually it is just the three of us.”
He had to give Giselle a lot of credit. If her husband’s gorgeous former lover had made them a threesome, most wives would object.
“Giselle was my roommate after college. I introduced them. For a while, we were all so broke we all roomed together. We’re friends.”
How did she read his mind so well? “Still…”
“Harry and I had already stopped having sex by then – and Giselle... Well, once he met her... He'd never looked at me like that – ever.”
“Love at first sight?”
“Yeah. I thought it was romantic BS.”
“I didn’t used to be a big believer in it till you.”
“Horse pucky. You wanted in my panties.”
“You were wearing a thong,” he reminded her with a smile. “No, I admit it was more like lust at first sight, but once we talked I discovered you were someone I wanted to know in more than the biblical sense.”
Adria stared out, watching the snowy scenery go by. “You were supposed to be fantasy fuck,” she said almost to herself.
But he heard her. Yes, he wasn’t supposed to complicate her life with love. It hadn’t been in her ‘plan’. “Are you sorry?”
“It would have been easier if you had been.”
“I don’t avoid hard work.”
“No, you don’t.”
JC was aware she never answered his question. So was she sorry? If she was, why had they stopped using condoms? Had she gone on the pill? So many questions and no answers.
“So when do you leave?” Harry asked as he and JC offered to do coat hanging duty while their women found them seats in the crowded church.
“Weather permitting the twenty-sixth,” JC answered.
“New Years?”
“I won’t be back. I have things to get ready for my film shoot in Russia.”
“What did Adria say?”
“Nothing. She plans to be house hunting in DC.”
Harry shook his head as they went to join their perspective partners. “She doesn’t want to go, the little twit.”
“She thinks she has to I guess.”
“It’s all this economic uncertainty, I swear. Website designers are gonna take a hit.”
“You both look so serious,” Giselle announced as the men joined them. “Not enough hangers?”
JC slid into the pew next to Adria. Taking her hand, he lifted her knuckles to his lips. “I love you,” he whispered for her ears only, gaining an uncertain smile from her.
Christmas was spent at his parents’ home, but JC could feel Adria slipping away. She was pleasant and gracious enough yet subdued. When she said good-bye to his family, it felt permanent.
On the return to her apartment, they fed and toileted Kai and placed him in his bed. He seemed content with his toys.
When they went to bed, they made love in silence. It was killing JC. He felt it all slipping away.
“Adria, marry me,” he offered quietly as she put her back to him. “I’ll take care of you—”
“I can take care of myself,” she replied firmly.
“I know you can. But—”
“You aren’t even going to be around for the inauguration.”
“Well, no, I’ll be in Russia.”
“One of the most important events of my life, in our nation’s history and you won’t be here.”
“Honey, you knew—”
“When you fly out tomorrow you needn’t bother to come back.”
“Adria, I just asked you to marry me.” Dammit, she wouldn’t even look at him!
“That was no proposal. It sounded more like a suggestion. And even if it had been a proposal I would have said ‘no’.”
“We are not over.”
She finally looked over her shoulder at him, her smile hard and bitter. “It’s over because I say it is over.”
“Adria—”
“And if you think you can get pass White House security, you are welcome to try.”
“Fuck this!”
Angrily, he flung back the covers and jerked on his clothes. His bags were already in the living room, so he’d just leave the torment of Adria’s rejection. “I hope you have the nice planned life you want, Adria,” he said calmly. “Maybe some guy’ll come along with the right plan and fulfill your damn list.”
Adria said nothing until she heard the door slam. “Good-bye,” she whispered.
Evidently, the noise startled Kai. His cries forced her form her lonely bed. She went to his bed in the living room and scooped him up.
“There... There, sweetie,” she crooned as she cuddled him close. “We’ll be fine without him. Just you wait and see.”
Unbeknownst to JC, he had fulfilled Adria’s list. While he was in Russia, she had a stomach bug that refused to go away. One blood test later revealed her malady. Unprotected sex led to pregnancy. It was very early for such symptoms, but she recalled Nonna saying both she and Adria’s mother were ill at conception practically.
Well, that certainly gave her an out. Being a devoted husband and father, the President Elect understood Adria’s reluctance to join the pressure cooker world of Washington DC. She still wanted to be there for his inauguration – as an observer. With a warm smile, he agreed.
JC came off the set and checked his cell phone. He was surprised to see a message from Adria.
“I’m sorry. I was an idiot. I do love you and I want to marry you. By the way, our first-born is due in late September – unless you consider Kai our first-born. I guess I can burn the list. I hear you are coming home for a while. Do I get one or two tickets for the inauguration? Kiss from Kai. Love you. Bye.”
He wore a huge smile. It was as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. One rambling phone massage was all it took.
He punched in the international code then Adria’s cell number.
“Natalucci,” came a sharp female voice.
“Honey, you really need to work on that greeting,” JC revived an old taunt.
“I have been hurling all night. Fuck morning sickness. This is all the time,” she complained.
He calculated the time difference. It was around one in the morning yesterday in Chicago. “I’m sorry it’s so rough on you, baby.”
“According to Nonna this only lasts a month or so in our family. I pray it does or I’ll make you the sorriest man on the face of this planet.”
“I wish I were there to hold your head over the toilet, honey,” he crooned soothingly.
“Liar. You owe me big time, Chasez.”
“How’s about a nice diamond ring and a last name with only two syllables?”
“I expect a spectacular diamond ring and I get a last name people never pronounce correctly,” she quipped.
JC merely laughed. “I love you, Adria.”
“I love you too, JC. Thank you for not holding my being thick-skulled against me.”
“Maybe it was hormones,” he offered.
“No, I was being pigheaded. So about the inauguration?...”
“I’ve got other commitments. Sorry.”
“Would those obligations keep you from meeting us at the airport on the twenty-first?”
“Us?”
“Kai and me.”
“You mean you are flying to Los Angeles from DC?”
“That’s the plan.”
“Give me the flight and time. I’ll be there.”
“All my stuff is packed...”
“You gave up your apartment?” This was surprising.
“I figure my fiancé could afford to keep me,” she teased.
“Adria, I—I’m... I guess I expected I would have to move.”
“Nope. My stuff is mostly in storage. At the end of January, I am homeless. I’m pathetic. A homeless pregnant woman and her dog,” she mused.
“You’re my home, baby, and I’m yours.”
“You are,” she whispered. Damn, she was going to cry. Hormones. Fucking hormones.
“Adria, listen, I gotta go. I’ll call you at a more reasonable time and we’ll talk.”
“I understand. Love you.”
“I love the hell outta you, honey. I’ll see you soon.”