COULD IT BE YOU?

Chapter Five: A Love To Lean On

When he first entered the room, Josh felt an angry jealousy stab him in the chest. The sight greeting him was something out of his nightmares -- Kate in someone else’s arms. Joe had his arms tightly around Kate’s shoulders and her face was buried in the other man’s chest.

Joe saw Josh first. “Thank God you’re here!” he said in great relief. “Kate, JC’s here.”

Josh strode forward. “What is it?” He now realized Kate was sobbing as if her heart was broken.

“Mama Maggie died,” Joe announced in disbelief and sadness. He’d had tremendous affection for Kate’s mother.

“Ah, baby...” Josh murmured soothingly as Kate was transferred to his arms. He had only talked to Maggie Nicoletti once and had never met her, but he loved the woman’s only child. This was going to be a rough one for Kate.

“C’mere.” Josh maneuvered them to the sofa where sat down with Kate in his lap. Pressing her hot face to his neck, he rocked her against his body. “I’m here for you.”

After a long moment, Kate raised her head and wiped her eyes with her fingers. “I’m such a baby.”

“No. You’re human,” Joe assured her.

Checking her watch, she said, “You guys better go get ready for your radio spot.” When she made to rise, Josh held her in place.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Josh informed her.

“You have to. You guys always do these---”

“The other guys can make my apologies. What kind of man would I be if I left you alone right now?”

“But I understand---”

“I am not going,” he repeated firmly. “I have to do the meet and greet and the concert. There’s no getting out of it, but I won’t leave you alone until I have to.”

Josh looked to Joe. “Tell the guys. They’ll understand. I can’t just up and leave Kate alone.”

“We understand. Just take care of her.” Joe quit the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

“My sweet, little Katie Beth,” Josh crooned as she laid her head on his shoulder.

Silent tears rolled down her cheeks. “You’re the only one left to call me that,” she sighed sadly.

“I’m so sorry. Was she ill?”

Kate shook her head. “Not that I know. It was sudden and quick, Aunt Carla said. Mama was eating lunch and slumped forward. That was it.”

“Then she didn’t suffer.”

“I hope not. You really should go.”

“I’m not going. End of argument.”

“I’ll have to leave for awhile. I’ll call Olivia and tell them to send another coordinator.”

“We can get along for a few days.”

“I don’t know how long it will take. Aunt Carla’s making most of the arrangements and all, but I’ll have to take her ashes to be placed with Papa’s in Wisconsin. I’ll have to go through her things...”

“I wish I could go and help you.”

“You’ve got obligations you made long before I existed for you.”

Still it didn’t seem right he couldn’t be at her side when she needed him most. “Where in Wisconsin?” he asked.

“My folks had a summer place around Lake Geneva. They loved it there.”

“My parents live in Chicago, not too far from there.”

“I grew up around Madison.”

“You a Packers fan?”

“No. I don’t like football like you do.”

He smoothed her hair. “What can I do for you, Katie?”

She shrugged her slim shoulders. She had always been the capable one, the one in charge. “Most of it was pre-planned. Aunt Carla is notifying everyone. I basically have to show up for the visitation in Orlando, then the ceremony in Wisconsin. Then I have to decide what to keep and what to give away.”

“Let me know when the visitation and ceremony are.”

She simply nodded. She knew their schedule to be fairly light in the coming week.

“I’ll be with you as much as I possibly can.”

“You’ve got your own business to take care of, your own schedules to keep.”

“You’re important, Katie.”

Kate rose and went to the desk to grab a tissue. As delicately and quietly as possible, she blew her nose. She knew she must look a mess...Did she have a dress to wear to the visitation?...She’d better call for a flight...

“Kate.” Josh moved behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders. He could feel her withdrawing into herself, into her protective shell.

“Josh, I really need to get some things done. You should see if you can catch the guys---”

“No.”

“But---”

“You can cut the tough girl act, Kate. I’m not buying it.”

“I can take care of myself,” she stated stubbornly, her chin going up a notch.

“Sure. Kate can take care of herself. I’m more worried about my Katie Beth.” His hands slid down her arms to encircle her, drawing her back against him. He pressed his face in her hair. “Katie Beth is vulnerable and scared and sad.”

She remained stiff. “You don’t know me as well as you seem to think.”

“Don’t I?”

“No, you don’t.”

“Let’s see...Even though you’ve been tagged a ‘good girl’, you wear perfume that is the epitome of sin...You’re a blue-jean girl, but you hardly ever wear them because you want to look professional...You hardly need those glasses you wear -- you hide behind them, thinking they make you look more serious and grown up...Saxophone music makes you a little horny at certain times of the month.” That revelation must have struck a chord because she shifted in his arms, squirming a little. “You didn’t think I noticed?” he chuckled. “And then there’s this sweet spot on your neck that I can touch or kiss that makes you tremble. Right here.” He bent his head to nibble at that very spot. As he predicted, she shivered then melted against him.

“Josh...”

“Shh...just let me hold you.”

Josh worried when he knew he had to leave to prepare for the night’s concert. He didn’t want to leave Kate. Usually, she went with them, but he didn’t know if she’d be up to the crowd, the noise and the mania.

After she had made her necessary calls, she had retreated to the bedroom. She had left the door open between the rooms but made no invitation.

He stood in the doorway of the darkened bedroom.

“I’m not asleep,” she assured him. She lie staring up at the ceiling.

“I’ve gotta go soon.”

She sat up. “I’d better freshen up.”

“You don’t have to go tonight. We can do without you this once.”

“So I can lay around here and mope until tomorrow morning? No thank you.”

“If you’re sure...” Josh turned to leave.

“Josh?”

He turned back. “Yeah, baby?”

“I’m sorry I’m so difficult.”

“You’ve got the right. Losing a parent can’t be easy -- and you’ve lost both.”

“I shouldn’t take it out on the one person who’s trying to make it better.”

“Don’t worry about it. No permanent damage done to my ego.”

“Josh?”

“Hmm?...”

“Can I get a hug?”

He crossed over to the bed and sat down. He took her into his arms, cuddling her. A moment later, he felt the warm dampness of her tears soaking into his shirt. “Kate---”

“Shh....just hold me a while.”

“Forever,” he promised.

After the concert, all the guys walked Kate back to her room. It was like having five brothers watching over her, she mused. Well, four brothers anyway. Josh was not exactly brotherly. He hovered like a worried lover. Every time he had come off the stage, his eyes sought her, concern and apology in his gaze. Surely, he couldn’t think she blamed him for his inability to break his performance contract. This was her personal crisis, not his. Fans would understand if he had lost a loved one. They couldn’t be expected to understand the loss of his sort-of-girlfriend’s mother! With no public acknowledgment of their relationship, he couldn’t plead a believable case.

Lansten, Joe, Chris and Lake took turns hugging her and offering words of comfort and encouragement.

“We want to know when and where the visitation is,” Joe told her. “Promise.”

“I promise.”

The four of them headed for their rooms, leaving Josh to say his good-nights. He stood there, hands in his pockets, at a loss to know what to say.

“Kate---”

“Josh---”

They said in unison, then laughed uncomfortably.

“You first,” Kate offered.

“I guess, I’d better shower.”

Kate nodded.

“Baby, I don’t want to leave you alone.”

“I don’t want to be left alone,” she confessed.

“Then I’ll shower and come back over.”

“Okay.”

When Josh returned to Kate’s suite, he wore drawstring pants and tee-shirt. He was fairly certain her invitation had been for sleeping in his arms and nothing more intimate. Seeing she wore her standard pajamas convinced him her was right, though he’d never seen a woman in a tee-shirt and boxers look more enticing.

“Hey,” he called softly.

“I’m a right side sleeper.” She lifted the covers, inviting him in on the left side.

“I’m adaptable.” Sliding in behind her, he positioned himself against her back so they could sleep spoon-fashion.

“Will you be comfortable?”

“Don’t worry about me, Katie. Try to get some sleep.”

She gave a deep, quivery sigh. “Thank you for being here, Josh.”

“There’s nowhere in the world I’m need more than with you.”

“You’re a good guy.”

“I try.” He kissed he cheek. “Night, Katie Beth.”

“G’night.”

Josh woke in the wee hours of the morning to discover Kate had turned to face him. Her head was tucked beneath his chin, her face nestled against his throat. One small hand rested on his chest. Their legs were tangled together. One of her legs was wedged between his, her thigh pressed intimately where he had grown hard. Her other leg rode atop his. In her sleep she had moved even closer, as if she was trying to hide inside of him. That’s the way he’d like it, too. It would solve all their problems if they could function as one unit.

Kate, for all her easy-going manner, and business woman professionalism, was a vulnerable, deeply-feeling woman full of sweet insecurities. She used her well-erected façade as a shield to protect her gentle nature. He saw it as his responsibility to protect her. And a good deal of the time, she didn’t like it. But now, she lay soft and sweet against him, seeking the shelter of his arms. This was the way it needed to be.

Kate looked down at the man who slept sprawled on her bed. It was rumored he could sleep through a bomb blast. The rumor could quite possibly have merit. She had risen, showered, and packed, all the while Josh had slept on. It had crossed her mind not to wake him at all, to simply leave. She had dismissed the idea quickly. He deserved a good-bye.

Sitting on the bed, she shook his shoulder gently. “Josh.”

Josh turned over to face her. He looked sleep-rumpled and adorable as he slowly opened his eyes. “Mmm...morning, baby.” He gave her a drowsy smile.

She couldn’t prevent an answering smile. “Good morning, sleepy-head.”

“What time is it?”

“Early for you, yet. I have to get to the airport. I wanted to tell you good-bye before I left.”

Josh bolted into sitting position, now fully awake. “I’ll get dressed and go with you.”

“No. It’s better if I go alone. Even at this hour, someone might recognize you.”

“Kate---”

“Josh, I’ll be fine. You can go back to sleep for a while longer. I left a wake-up call for you.”

“I can at least go to the airport with you.”

“No. You’ll have your own packing to do.”

“Katie Beth...” He was at a lost. Something didn’t feel right. He needed to do something more for her. “You’ll call the minute the visitation is set.”

“It’ll probably be tomorrow, then a day for travel to Lake Geneva for the visitation there.”

“We don’t have any concerts in that time.”

“Josh---”

He leaned forward to place a soft kiss on her lips. “You’re still fighting me. You can stop, you know.”

She rose. “I’ve got to go.”

“I’ll see you real soon, baby.”

“Bye, Josh.”

Kate hadn’t expected all five men to attend her mother’s Orlando visitation. She had thought Josh and Joe might come. Joe, to pay his respects to a woman he had come to adore -- and Josh, to support Kate. But there they stood, flanking her, all dressed in respectable suits.

She glanced at the stunning floral arrangement they’d sent. Maggie Nicoletti had loved exotic blooms such as calla lilies and Bird of Paradise. The arrangement made generous use of them.

A smile came to her lips as she thought of the men with her. The world’s most popular ‘boys band’ and not one person present recognized them. Their notoriety didn’t extend to the over sixty-five crowd. This was one of the few places in Orlando they could appear without causing a riot!

Josh reached a hand over to Kate. She readily accepted it and leaned against him. She needed him now as she’d never needed him before.. The love and support she had gotten from her parents were gone. From now on, Josh was the one who would be there for Kate in times of sorrow, happiness, and confusion. It was a role he took on whole-heartedly.

At the luncheon following the visitation, Kate finally got a chance to speak with everyone.

“We voted JC to be the one to go to Lake Geneva with you,” Chris told her.

“But you have that talk show---”

“We weren’t going to sing. It’s a chat.”

“But everyone will expect Josh---”

“They’ll have to understand,” Josh stated. “I have a personal matter to attend to.”

“But---”

“Kate, quit fighting us,” Joe broke in. “You’re important to all of us. We say you need someone with you. C’s the guy. End of argument,” he insisted.

Joe had never spoken to her in such a demanding manner. “My aren’t we forceful,” Kate teased.

“Sometimes, you won’t accept what’s best for you and you need to be told,” Joe reminded her.

“Amen,” Josh muttered.

“I have a question.”

“And that would be?” Lake stepped up to do battle if need be.

“With the two people who know how to tell time gone, what’re you guys gonna do?” Kate and Josh were the time keepers of the bunch.

Lake laughed. “Party.”

“No, honestly, Kate. I’m being promoted to head-grown-up,” Lansten announced.

“Good choice.” At least, they had chosen the most serious minded of her friends.

In fact, Lansten looked at his watch. “We gotta head for the airport in five minutes.”

Lake hugged Kate. “It’s a rough one for you, Kate. I’m sorry we can’t all stay.”

“I understand. I’m glad you could come.”

Joe took his turn. Call if you need anything, okay?”

“I will.”

“Promise?”

“Cross my heart.”

Lansten kissed her cheek. “I’ll do my best to nag.”

“You’ll do fine.”

“Yeah, but I don’t look as good as you do in the morning.”

That drew a chuckle from Kate. “Actually, you are an extra ray of sunshine in the morning.”

Chris took her hand. “I wish there was something more we could do.”

“You’ve been wonderful friends. That’s all anyone could ask.” Kate hugged him briefly. “Have a safe trip.”

Lake punched Josh’s shoulder. “Take care of her, C. We’re leaving her in your care.”

Josh looked lovingly at Kate. “I’ll take care of Kate forever.”

“Later!” the four called as they headed for the door.

Josh put his arm around Kate’s shoulders and she leaned heavily against him. Most of the otherswho had come for the luncheon had left. The women manning the kitchen had shooed Kate out when she offered to help.

Kate’s Aunt Carla came up to the couple. “Katie, let your young man take you home. You have a full couple of days coming up. You need to rest.”

“You’ve done all the work. All I’ve done is stand in receiving lines.”

“You’re mother was my best friend as well as my sister-in-law. I’ve done it for Maggie. Don’t worry about fair. It isn’t easy losing your mother. I still carry that emptiness to this day -- and I was sixty when it happened.”

“Come on, Kate,” Josh urged. “You look done-in.”

Aunt Carla addressed him. “You just take her on home, Joshua. See she gets some rest.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Josh led Kate to the door. “C’mon, baby.”

He had met Kate at the church, so he had to take her home in her car. He realized he didn’t even know what sort of car she had. “Where’s your car?”

Kate pointed to a red Jeep Cherokee and handed him the keys.

“Sweet.” He had wanted to get a new Jeep. He just never got around to it.

“I’m from Wisconsin. I like four-wheel drive.”

Helping her in the passenger seat, he asked, “How’re we gonna work this? I don’t want to leave you alone, but I need to stop at my place.”

Kate shrugged. “I’m packed. We can get my luggage from my place. You got room for two at your place?”

“I’ve got a whole house to rattle around in. It’s pretty bare since I’m never home.”

“Got an extra bed?”

“Yeah, for when Ty stays, but you’re sleeping with me.”

“Am I?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Okay.” She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She really was very tired.

Josh walked around to the driver’s side and climbed in.

Kate opened her eyes. “I just remembered something.”

“What?”

“The only time I’ve ever seen you behind the wheel was in videos. That last one with the sports car stunt men did most of it.”

“I swear, I am not a maniacal driver.”

“You sure? I love my car.”

The car, she loved. What about him?

His thoughts must have been clear in his eyes for Kate leaned over and kissed him softly. “I love you even more than this car.”

“Thank you, Katie. I love you, baby.”

“I know. I’m just not good with the words.”

“I don’t know about that. You waited until you knew they were right. I’d rather wait, then hear it a dozen times and know it isn’t real.”

“They’re real. I just don’t know what to do about it.”

“Let us love each other.”

That sounded simple enough in theory, but it wasn’t. Josh lived a complicated life. No one was more aware of that than Kate. Loving him meant leaving the job she loved and they would be separated for months at a time. Could new love survive like that? Kate was too tired to even contemplate such changes. With a sigh, she closed her eyes again.

He hadn’t been joking when he had said his house was bare. The living room was sparse.

“I basically go from the studio to the game room to the bedroom,” Josh offered in way of explanation.

“Let’s see...I’ll bet you have a big screen television, a state of the art DVD player and a kickin’ stereo system.”

He grinned sheepishly. “Guilty as charged.”

“What else would be important to a young bachelor?”

He put his hands on her hips. “A nice big bed.”

“Not subtle, Joshua.”

“Baby, I’m not expecting anything more than to hold you tonight. What kind of man would I be if I did?”

“A horny one.”

“Well, I’m not. I can put aside my needs for you.”

Kate put her arms around his neck. “You’re a pretty special guy, you know that?”

“I have the love of a very special lady. What I am is lucky.”

The kiss they shared was more about comfort and love. Kate sought the familiar flavor of him. He complied and let her taste him. She crowded closer and drew his tongue into her mouth. When she sucked on it, Josh tightened his arms. The path she traveled was a dangerous one. After a moment, he lifted his head. She pursued his mouth, recapturing it. Steeling himself, Josh gave into her demand. Luring her tongue into his mouth, they mated and danced. His hands cupped the back of her head, holding her for his hungry on-slaught. Finally, he stepped back, breathing roughly.

“Damn, baby, we can’t do this,” he told her hoarsely. “I want you -- and badly -- but this isn’t the time.”

Kate put her hand to her swollen lips, nodding. “I’m sorry, Josh.”

“Don’t be sorry. Understand why I’m stopping.”

Again she nodded.

He went to her bags and carried them up to his bedroom. Kate trailed him.

The bedroom was suffering the same fate as the rest of the house. A king-sized bed, a chest of drawers and a bedside table with an ugly lamp were the large room’s only furnishings.

“Needs a woman’s touch,” he grunted.

“Needs something.”

“You up to the challenge?”

“You could hire a decorator,” she suggested.

“A decorator wouldn’t know me.”

Kate said nothing to that, so he pointed to the door on his left. “Master bath.”

The mirror sliding doors on the right, Kate surmised was closet space.

“Josh, could I borrow a tee-shirt? I don’t feel much like unpacking right now.”

“Second drawer. You’ll swim in it.”

Kate shrugged. “I just want something comfortable.” Kicking off her shoes, she opened the drawer. A lot of tank-tops in dark colors. Plain white tee-shirts. A couple of jerseys. Kate chose a plain white shirt. She walked over to Josh and presented he back. “Zipper, please.”

He slid the zipper down its track, exposing Kate’s beautiful back. How he longed to touch and kiss every vertebrae, every inch. He knew he only needed to lower his head to kiss the spot that made her shiver. Maybe that’s what she was hoping for, whether deliberate or not. “There you go, Katie Beth.”

“You want the bathroom or me?”

“What?”

“For changing clothes. I assume you don’t want me to strip in front of you.”

“That wouldn’t be wise.” Kate had seen him down to his sport-shorts when she was backstage. He had yet to see her in anything less than her leotard at the studio. “You go ahead and take the bathroom.”

Josh had just pulled his jeans on when Kate stepped out of the bathroom wearing his voluminous black robe over the tee-shirt.

“Mind?” she asked of borrowing his robe.

“Not at all.” In fact, it was a good idea to cover as much of her as possible.

She held the wealth of extra fabric out at the sides. “I’m like a little girl playing dress up.”

Josh pulled a tank-top over his head. “I have several inches and how many pounds on you.”

“This thing hasta be big on you. We could share it.”

Now there was an idea. “It’s comfortable.”

“So, what should we have for dinner?”

“Whatever delivers. I hadn’t expected to be home, so the fridge is bare.”

Kate went to twine her arms around his neck. “Well, let’s see...On every JC bio ever written it says Chinese is your favorite.”

He grinned. “That’s right.”

“Too bad we don’t have groceries. I’m world famous for my stir-fry.”

“Oh, yeah? Well, next time you’re here maybe I can persuade you to cook for me.”

“If your kitchen is like the rest of the house, I’ll have to bring my own utensils.”

“The kitchen is probably worse. I don’t spend much time in there.”

“Bet your favorite Chinese restaurant is on speed dial.”

“The little lady wins the bet!” he laughed. “What would you like?”

“Well...this is a dilemma we’ll have. I’m not a big fan of Chinese take-out. It’s okay, but I prefer Mexican.”

“That’s it!” he announced teasingly. “I can’t be with a woman who doesn’t love Chinese food.” When Kate tried to withdraw, his arms tightened about her waist. “But a wise man knows when to compromise.”

“Are you a wise man?”

“I like to this so.”

“And ole wise one, what is your compromise?”

“Pepperoni pizza -- something we both like.”

“Mmm...I think I’ll keep you.” She kissed him lingeringly.

“I hope so. Kate.”

“But only if you feed me soon.”

“Yes, ma’am!”

After they shared a dinner of pizza, Josh led her to the game room which held his stereo system. He put Billie Holliday on, then cuddled on the sofa with Kate. She snuggled into his embrace and tucked her feet beneath her.

“I love jazz,” she purred.

“Another thing we share.”

“Like pepperoni pizza?”

“Something like that.”

He stroked her hair, loving the silky feel of it against his palm. “This is nice, Katie. Let’s spend the next hundred years like this.”

“Mmm...that would be nice, but without work, no money, no money, no electricity, no music.”

“I’ll sing to you.”

“Without money, no food. How long can you go without? There’s barely enough of you now!”

“Remind me not to trot out my dreams to such a practical woman,” he mused.

Kate straightened and laid a hand on his cheek. Her eyes were serious. “Oh, no, Josh. You can always tell me your dreams.”

He covered her hand with his and turned his head to press a kiss in her palm. “Let’s share our dreams with each other, Katie Beth.”

“You already know part of mine.”

“You wanted to be a teacher and a mommy.”

“Mmm...hmm...”

“What else?”

“Nothing grand. I always wanted what my parents had. A solid marriage. They loved each other so much...but I never felt left out. Their love was big enough to share.”

“We can do that, baby.”

Kate shook her head. “Tell me your dreams.”

“Professionally...I’d like to be taken seriously as a composer and producer. I’m not naive enough to believe we can stay on top forever. But I want my music to have longevity. I can’t see me doing what we’re doing in ten years.”

“Chris’ll be nearly forty.”

“And he won’t be doing back-flips, I’m sure.”

Josh pressed his lips to her forehead. “Personally...I want a good marriage, like my folks. Like you want. We can have it, Kate.”

“Josh...”

To prevent her protest, he covered her mouth with his. Surprisingly, Kate opened readily to him.

“Baby, I love you so much,” he whispered as he trailed his lips down her cheek, along her jaw.

Kate tipped her head back to allow him access to her throat. She made no objection when he slipped his hand beneath the robe.

“Yes, please, Josh,” she murmured when he buried his face against her neck.

“We can’t, Kate. Not right now.” He raised his head to press his forehead to hers. “When I make love to you for the first time, I want me to be the only thing on your mind. With all that’s happening, can you assure me of that?”

She shook her head.

“I don’t want our first time together to be an escape. I want it to be a full joining.”

Kate nodded. “I want that too.”

“But you are a temptation.”

“So are you.”

He smiled. “Then we are agreed.”

“Gee, pepperoni pizza, jazz, and temptation. We just might have more in common,” she teased.

Bad Pants had a name, Josh discovered. His name was Rick -- and he had the gaul to show up at Mama Maggie’s Lake Geneva visitation. Josh did a slow burn. The guy was a good two to three inches taller than Josh, rail thin, and dressed in an out-dated suit that might have been fashionable when Josh was born. The guy’s poor taste extended beyond just bad pants! To show up at the farewell when he had treated Kate so shabbily didn’t bare thinking!

This Rick approached Kate, taking her hands in his, looking very sincere. “I’m sorry about Maggie, Kat.”

Kate bristled at the man’s hated nick-name for her. How many times had she told him she hated being called ‘Kat’? She felt Josh’s reassuring arm around her tighten. “Thank you, Rick.”

“Will you be moving back now?”

“I work out of Orlando.”

“But you’d go back to teaching, wouldn’t you?”

“Kate is very good at what she does,” Josh stated in defense of her career.

“Making sure a bunch of spoiled boys make it to concerts on time?” Rick snorted. “Hardly worth her talents.”

“Rick, meet one of my ‘spoiled boys’.” Kate indicated Josh. “Rick, Josh. Josh, Rick.”

If the man was embarrassed at his unfair assumption, Rick didn’t show it. “Nice to see you have some loyalty to Kat.”

“It’s Kate,” Josh informed the guy. “And I have more than loyalty to Kate,” Josh assured him.

“Are you telling me this boy---”

“Man,” Kate corrected.

“Is your---”

“Lover.” Kate supplied the word that surprised both men. “Why, yes, he is.”

Josh might have used some less obvious euphemism, but there was no denying that’s what he hoped to be for Kate. Well, she knew this Rick, and if she thought it prudent to announce their intimacy to him, she had her reasons.

“Excuse me, Rick, I need to speak to Aunt Carla. Good-bye.”

As she moved away with Josh in her wake, she muttered, “And good riddance.”

“I think you shocked him,” Josh told her.

“Good. It’s nice to see him display some sort of emotion.”

“I’m not your lover, you know.”

“There’s more to being a lover than just sex. It’s love and support -- which you tend to give unfailingly.”

“Thank you, I think.”

She put her arm around his waist and gave him a squeeze. “No. Thank you, Josh. I never would have been able to go through all of this with any sort of dignity if you hadn’t been here.”

“I just wish I could stay with you longer.”

“I understand.” He had given up three free days to be with her. He had a concert tomorrow night and had no down time as the others had.

“That doesn’t help much.

“Now, what did you need to speak to Aunt Carla about?”

“Absolutely nothing. It was a more polite way to say ‘I don’t want to talk to you anymore’.”

“Do you want to go back to teaching?”

“I don’t know what I want. I really hadn’t put any thought into changing careers again.”

“I think you need to give yourself time to think. Don’t make any sudden changes you may regret later.”

“You just don’t want to break in a new coordinator,” she accused teasingly.

Josh grinned. “No, I really don’t.” Then he touched her cheek, tenderness glowing in his eyes. “But I do want what’s best for you.”

“If I quit, we’ll never see each other.”

“No, it means we’d have to work at seeing each other.”

“You’re life is complicated enough.”

“Katie Beth,” he sighed, drawing her against him, “loving you is a complication I’ll gladly take on.”

Returning to the cabin in the early evening, Kate kicked off her heels and wiggled her toes. Whoever invented high-heels for women had been a sadist. “My feet are happy we’re home.”

Josh reached up and tugged the tie from around his neck. “There’s a reason a tie resemble a noose.”

“I think we aren’t a very formal couple.”

He liked that, the way she made them a couple, like it was permanent. “No, we’re not.”

Kate slid her arms around him inside his jacket, laying her cheek against his shirt front. When she felt his arms close about her, she sighed. “I’ve needed this for hours.”

“You shoulda said something.”

“I didn’t think it would be appropriate in that crowd.”

“Why not? You announced we are lovers to anyone in ear shot.”

She looked into his eyes. “I did, didn’t I?”

“Yes.”

“Then maybe we should be.”

“Kate...” This was a huge step and one he wasn’t sure she was ready for, not when she was so vulnerable.

“I want us to be lovers, Josh. I don’t want to wait any longer.”

“I want that too, baby, but you’re going through so much right now...”

“I am also very needy right now.”

“Then maybe we need to wait a while longer.”

“You leave tomorrow morning -- and it’ll be months before we’ll have the chance to be truly alone.”

Now, there was a tempting argument. Once back on tour, their business, their relationship would be common knowledge. And did he want to stop having Kate in his arms when he went to sleep at night? He was growing accustom to having her in his bed. Josh smoothed his hands over her hair, reveling in its silky texture. “It’s a big step. You’ve gotta be 110 percent sure. There won’t be any turning back for us, no changing your mind.”

“I know.”

“There won’t be any avoiding me or pretending were not in love. I’m not doing that dance again. It’ll have to be out there for the whole world to see.”

Kate rose on her toes, whispering, “I love you and I want us to make love. Make love to me, Josh.” Then she kissed him ever so softly.

That kiss sealed his fate. Kate loved him. Kate wanted them to be lovers. What else did he really need? Josh decided he didn’t require any more. “I think we need the bedroom for this,” he murmured.

“Yes.” Taking his hand she led him to the bedroom they had shared in sleep the previous night Releasing his hand, she went to the bed and turned down the covers. They had slept together a number of times, shared a bed. This time it would be very different. They would be changed.

Josh went to his bag and found the box of condoms he had purchased some weeks ago. He took out several square packets and put them on the bedside stand.

Kate gave him a small smile. “Thank you.”

“Hey, the idea of you carrying my child is pretty exciting, but you aren’t ready for that just yet.”

Kate put her back to him and reached for the zipper at the back of her dress, only to find his hands already there. After he lowered the zipper, he skimmed the dress off her shoulders. It fell into a black pool of silk at her feet.

“No one would have guessed this was beneath that sensible dress,” he said, his voice husky with surprise.

A chemise and tap pants of rose satin trimmed in ivory lace were the undergarments she wore. Thigh high stockings were held up with matching garters.

“Is that a bad thing?” she asked, uncertain.

“Hell, no!” he assured her. “You’re a wonderful surprise package, Kate. Perfume that fairly begs for sex. Sexy underwear...Stockings and garters...Everything about you is so hot! Who’da guessed?”

“You?”

“I knew you were sexy, baby. I suspected you hid a lot...But, wow!”

Kate laid her hands on his shirt front. “Josh, you still have a lot of clothes on,” she hinted.

“I do, don’t I?”

He shrugged out of his suit jacket while she busied herself with the buttons of his shirt.. His shirt joined his jacket on the floor. She reached down to unfasten his belt as he worked the button of his slacks free, then slid the zipper down. She sent a curious hand into the opening to find him straining his boxer briefs.

Josh hissed in a breath as her fingers found him. No shy, cringing virgin was his Kate! She rubbed him gently. “I’ll give you about a year to stop that,” he told her hoarsely. Damn! But she had talented hands! Stepping away from her , he toed off his shoes, then stripped down to his underwear.

Kate sat on the edge of the bed, removing her stockings and garters.

Josh knelt behind her, scrapping his teeth gently over that sweet spot on her neck.

“How do you know that particular place makes me crazy?” she demanded shakily as he licked and nibbled at her neck.

“I found it by accident on your birthday. When I fastened that necklace, you quivered. I knew that was your spot.”

He was making her crazy. That one little place seemed to be connected to all her nerve endings, turning her knees to jelly. Good thing she was sitting down. And his mouth there made moisture rush between her legs. She had the oddest urge to grab his hand and direct it to that now damp place to give her relief from the fire burning there. Would he be shocked?

“When do I get to find all your crazy spots?” Her voice quavered as he slipped one hand beneath her chemise to cup her breast. His other hand moved beneath the leg of her pants to touch her intimately where she had most wanted it! Her shivers went to full-blown trembling.

“Oh, Josh!” she gasp when each thumb sought and found differing sensitive flesh.

“You like that, eh?”

“I didn’t know...”

“You still don’t.”

When he withdrew his hands, she wanted to protest their loss until he removed her chemise and lay her back on the pillows. The hungry caress of his turbulent blue eyes was nearly physical. She made quite a vision, Josh decided. Her dark hair fanned across the pillows. Her honey-brown eyes wide with wonder. Her cheek flushed with desire. Her sweet little breast all ivory and rose, their nipples just begging for his mouth.

“Josh?” Had he changes his mind? He was just looking at her. Was he disappointed?

“You’re beautiful, Katie,” he told her reassuringly. “I want to hold this moment in my mind forever.”

Kate held her arms out to him. She needed to feel him. When he came to her, she wasn’t nearly as prepared for the heat of his flesh against hers as she imagined. He singed her and he was a wonderful weight against her.

Josh kissed her hungrily. His tongue sought and mated with hers. One hand slid over her shoulder to caress her breasts, scraping his thumb over the taut peaks. Once satisfied she had been kissed thoroughly, he trailed his mouth along her jaw, down her throat, between her breasts before he captured one tight bud. He suckled, licked and nibbled until she was squirming beneath him, her body arching against his, begging for more. Then he treated its twin to the same.

“Josh...” Kate pleaded, for what she didn’t know.

Lifting his head, he took her mouth again.

Kate’s hands sought to learn his lean body, gliding from his arms, down his back. His skin was smooth, covering firm solid muscle. For a man who had once denounced himself as skinny, he was amazingly solid from half a life spent doing athletic dancing. She slid her palms around to his muscle-padded chest sprinkled lightly with dark hair. Grazing his flat nipples with her fingertips, she was surprise they sprang to life, not unlike her own.

Escaping his marauding lips, she sent her tongue along his chin, then tasted the skin of his neck, slightly salty and a flavor unique to him. She smiled when his body shook.

“You have hot spots, too,” she whispered against his ear.

“Oh, yeah, lots of them.”

”Like here?” She dipped her head, pressing her mouth to one of his nipples. She imitated his actions on him.

“Kate!”

She giggled at his reaction. “Hey, I’m good at this!”

Josh shook his head, chuckling.

“I’m not?”

“Oh, you are good,” he confirmed. “I just thought you’d be -- well -- a little more timid.”

She pushed against him until their positions reversed and she was atop him. “Why?”

“Because you’ve never---”

“That doesn’t mean I haven’t wanted to, that I haven’t thought about it.”

He lifted his head to nip at her bottom lip. “With me?”

“Only you.” Her eyes were steady and sincere.

“What a turn on!”

“I don’t think you need to be turned on any more.”

“No. I don’t.”

Running his fingertips lightly down her back, Josh felt a fine tremor going through her. He slid his hands beneath the waistband of her tap pants. Cupping her buttocks, he urged, “Time to lose the rest of our clothes.”

Without further discussion, they swiftly removed the remaining items and lay back on the bed.

“Wow! Impressive!” Kate had never seen a real live naked man before -- certainly not one as aroused as Josh. She reached out to touch him, then stopped short. “May I?”

“Please.” Josh locked his jaw on a groan when her soft fingers ran from the tip to the base and back. “Kate, you just may be the death of me.”

Later...later he would teach her how to use her hands and mouth on him. Now, he had to initiate her into physical love. He reached for one of the little packets and sheathed himself.

“I wish you didn’t have to...” Kate’s wistful words trailed off.

“May be someday soon,” he told her softly as he brushed his lips against her cheek. “I want you to have my baby...”

Kate lay back and opened her arms to him. “Make love to me, Josh.”

Moving above her, Josh used his hands and mouth to bring her to a needy frenzy. He sent a hand along her inner thigh, touching her intimately, drawing a surprised gasp from her. “Open up for me, baby,” he urged quietly. When her legs parted, he stroked her until her thighs parted readily for him. “That’s it, Katie.”

Starting with her mouth, he trailed kisses down from her cheek, her chin, her throat, her breasts, her mid-drift. Teasingly, he explored her navel with his tongue, eliciting a nervous giggle from her.

Kate tensed when she realized where he was heading next. “No, Josh!” she squeaked and pushed his head away from her.

“But, Katie---”

“Please, no.”

“Where in your ‘good girl’ handbook does it say I can’t taste you?” he demanded good -naturedly, then licked his way back to her mouth. “I won’t this time, but I will taste you, Kate and I’ll pleasure you, too.”

Kate shook her head.

"Oh, yes, I will, baby -- and you’ll like it.”

Josh closed his mouth over hers as he sent a finger where she hadn’t wanted his mouth. He teased her, stroking her intimately. He carefully inserted one finger, then moved it in and out.

“Oh, Josh!” She bucked against his hand.

“Easy, baby.” He slid a second finger into her, continuing the pumping motion.

“Oh!”

“You’re so tight...” He pressed her sensitive core and she nearly came of the mattress. “Whoa, sweetheart.” He gazed down at her wild eyes.

“Please, Josh...”

“Katie, let me get you off this way first. Maybe it won’t hurt so bad---”

She shook her head. “No, Josh. Please, now!”

“Baby---”

Kate’s hips surged up, driving his fingers deep. “Ah!...”

“Dammit, Kate,” he muttered. Removing his hand, he lowered the tip of his manhood into her waiting warm. She was so wet and ready, he had to remind himself this was her first time. He couldn’t just plunge in.

“Don’t tease me,” she pleaded.

“I’m not. I’m trying not to hurt you.” He pressed deeper until he encountered resistance. “I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered, then drove himself completely into her.

Kate let out a whimper of pain and her eyes flooded with tears.

“That’s the worst of it,” he told her, kissing away her tears. At least, he hoped that was all the pain he would inflict. Denying the primitive urge to plunge repeatedly into her, he held himself still, letting her body grow accustomed to his invasion.

“It--it’s not so bad now.”

Experimentally, he flexed his hips, watching her bit her lip at the discomfort. At that moment, he felt like a total failure as her lover. Kate was his first virgin, the love of his life and he was failing her.

His thoughts must have been transparent to Kate. She drew his head down for a lingering, seductive kiss. “I love you,” she purred and arched up into him. It didn’t hurt this time. In fact, she felt wonderfully complete with Josh inside her. She smiled and whispered, “Please, make love to me, Josh.”

Tentatively, he drew nearly all the way out and slowly slid back in.

“Mmm...”

“Better, baby?”

“Better than better,” she assured him, stroking a hand down his back.

Josh set a rhythm that had Kate whimpering again -- this time with pleasure.

“You feel so good, baby...Hot...Tight...Wet...Ah, Katie...”

She lifted her legs to wrap around his hips, forcing him even deeper. “Ooh, Josh!”

“Feel me, baby? Come on. Feel me deep inside you.”

“Oh, yes!”

Kate knew she was quickly approaching some unknown. Every nerve in her body seemed to tighten and clench, preparing for something. “Ooohh, Josh!...” She was about to break apart from the intense pressure.

“Come on, Kate!” he urged her hotly as he increased the tempo of his thrusts. He was nearing his own completion. “Come with me, baby. I need you with me!”

“Josh!” Unaware, she dug her fingernails into his back. She couldn’t bear the pleasure their bodies created. It was too much...She couldn’t--- “Josh!” she cried out as she flew apart. “Aaahhh!” Kate shattered into ecstasy.

“Yes! Katie baby!...” Josh plunged into her twice more, the threw his head back as he followed her into mindless bliss. “Yesss!...”

They held onto one another as rapture buffeted them.

A moment later, they both panted, struggling for air. Josh rolled to his back, taking Kate with him. He kisses and stroked her, soothing her trembling.

With a final shuddered, Kate dropped her head to his damp shoulder. “Wow.”

“Definitely wow,” he agreed.

“Is it always like that?”

“Never before. Must be us.”

Could she survive that sort of heart-stopping ecstasy often?

Josh shifted her to one side to pull the covers over their cooling bodies.

“You were worth waiting for,” she murmured.

“So, were you. You’re an explosive little package.”

She lifted her gaze to his. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, Kate. I hope the pleasure was mutual.”

She answered impishly, “Oh, I think it was.”

He grinned. “Who’da thought there was a sexy tigeress behind those glasses?”

“Evidentially you,” she laughed.

“I was a little slow to discover you---”

“But once you did, you came at me full-bore.”

“I know what I want -- and I wanted you. I still do want you. I’ll always want you.”

Kate snuggled against him, he head on his shoulder. “I couldn’t have asked for a more wonderful first lover.”

“And last lover,” he added. No way was he ever going to let Kate go now. She was imprinted on his soul.

Kate realized she should probably chastise him for such Neanderthal certainty, but she felt too marvelous to bother. Instead, she sighed and closed her eyes.

Josh pressed his lips to her forehead and smiled. “Been a tiring day for you, hasn’t it, sweetheart.”

“Mmm..hmm...”

“Go ahead and sleep, Katie Beth.”

“Josh?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for taking such good care of me. You make me feel safe.”

“I want you always to feel safe with me.”

“I do.” With a final sigh, Kate was asleep.

Staring up at the ceiling, Josh contemplated his next step with Kate. Would she be ready to commit to marriage now they were lovers? They hadn’t spoken seriously about marriage, mainly because he felt she hadn’t been ready. He knew with Kate, becoming lovers was a huge leap forward in their relationship. Was it large enough? There were no answers to be found tonight, so he cuddled Kate closer. He closed his eyes and followed her into sleep.

When Kate woke some time later, the sun had been down for some time and the bedroom was lit by moonlight. She lay snuggled against Josh’s side as he slept on his back, both arms curved protectively around her. She studied his face. Her father would have called him a pretty boy with his long eyelashes and full mouth. He had strong, sharp cheek bones that prevented him from looking too pretty. In sleep, he looked like a little boy.

But Josh was no boy. He had proved that time and again. He took words like responsibility, respect, and honor very seriously. In that, he was older than his 25 years. That, she was sure had a lot to do with having a career at fourteen and then at nineteen deciding to make a second career happen. He was tough and mature in ways she couldn’t even fathom.

And he was now her lover. That was wonderful and scary all at the same time. It probably was a mistake on her part, still she saw nothing to regret in the decision. She had needed the comfort of his arms, the assurance he desired her -- and he hadn’t failed her. Josh had never failed her. Every promise he made, he kept.

Could she be as brave? She honestly didn’t know.

What she did know was she wanted what this night had to offer: love and comfort.

Kate shifted so her lips could find his. At first, his mouth was soft in sleep. She flicked her tongue along his lower lip. Josh shifted slightly, his arms tightening around her. Kate slid her tongue against his and his response was immediate. His mouth firmed, capturing her tongue, teasing it with his, then he sucked hungrily. By now, she had been pulled atop him, his hands moving over her. Gasping, she pulled her mouth from his. “Are you awake?” she queried softly.

“Oh, yeah. Every part of me is awake now.” Josh opened his eyes and lifted his hips to let her feel exactly how awake he was.

Laying her hands on his chest, she propped her chin up. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist.”

“No need to apologize.” He gave her a sleepy smile. “Why are you awake?”

She gave a shrug. “I just woke up.”

“Need to talk?”

“Talk is not what your body feels like it wants.”

He smoothed her hair from her face and kissed her forehead. “I can control myself.”

“I know. I find that pretty amazing.”

“What else is on your mind?”

“Oh...lots of things.” She toyed with the lion medallion that rested at the base of his throat. “You mostly.”

“Good or bad?”

“Good.”

“Wanna share? Or am I gonna have to pull every word from you?”

“Oh, I was thinking what a good guy you are. You’re kinda old fashion in a lot of ways. I think my parents would have liked you.”

“I’m old fashion?” He always thought of himself as a modern male.

“Well, you’ve got this code of honor. Not many people your age do. I find that very appealing.”

“You do, eh? Then old fashion is a good thing?”

“Except in view s of the ‘little woman’ and ‘out-dated clothing’.”

“Like Mr. Bad Pants.” Josh wanted to know more about the guy.

“You aren’t terribly subtle, are you?”

"Nope. Hardly ever.”

“When I met Rick I was twenty-three. I taught a parochial school. He went to the adjoining church. He was a professor at the college affiliated with the church. He seemed so serious and other-worldly, I guess. Almost like the world he lived in wasn’t the one I resided in. I found him charming in an odd sort of way.”

Charming was not a term Josh would have used for Bad Pants.

“He seemed to have that effect on all sorts of women, of all ages. His female students worshipped him like a god almost. His horrible taste in clothes added to his legend. When he seemed not to want me physically, I thought he was being chivalrous.”

Josh snorted in disbelief.

“We spilt up any number of times -- and I thought each time I’d get over him. My move to Orlando was going to be the end of it.”

“It wasn’t?”

“Probably, but then Rick would call and I believe naively that things would be different.”

“And they weren’t.”

“No. It was like he didn’t want me, but he didn’t want me to find someone for myself. I tried settling for a friendship of sorts. That didn’t work either.”

“So what happened?”

“I told him good-bye.”

“And?”

“Four months later, he called and needed to see me. He even flew to Orlando.” She shook her head, still disbelieving what had happened. “He had come to Orlando to dump me.”

“But you’d already---”

“He wanted to be the dumper, not the dumpee. It was all about ego.”

“What a prick.”

Kate giggled at Josh’s term. Josh was known for being one of the cleanest mouthed stars around. If they could hear him now! “I have never met anyone with less libido than Rick. You know my perfume that you says makes you crazy?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“I’ve always worn it. And he never bothered to investigate that spot on the back of my neck you like to zero in on.”

Josh reached up and lightly stroked her neck and Kate shivered. “Moron.”

“He’s highly educated. Very devout, never misses church---”

“And has large intimacy issues.”

“Yep. Know enough about Bad Pants now?”

“I’d still like to get him in a dark alley some night. I don’t like the way her hurt you.”

Kate lowered her head to brush her lips along his breast bone. “You healed me with your patience and persistence.”

“I’m glad, Katie Beth. I won’t ever play games with you -- and my libido is fully functioning.”

She rose to straddle his thighs, challenge flashing in her eyes. “Prove it.”

Josh grabbed her shoulders and rolled until she was beneath him. “My pleasure.”

“Damn!” Josh shouted when the hot spray of the shower stung his back. He twisted his head around to see the scratches on his back. Well, he’d called Kate a little tigeress -- and evidently the tiny feline had claws!

“Josh, are you all right?” Kate called when she appeared on the other side of the translucent shower door.

“Oh, yeah. It’s just someone I made love to last night left marks.”

“I did not!” she protested.

“Did too!” he answered in a sing-song tone.

“Lemme see.” Oblivious to the water escaping to the tiled floor, Kate shoved the door open.

“Oh, my God,” she whispered. Josh looked magnificent, standing there naked, water sluicing down his lean body. Evidently, the stunned appreciation in her eyes was directly related to his immediate arousal...And then she saw the half-moon marks left by her fingernails the night before. “Oh, I’m so sorry...” She touched his back lightly. “Does it hurt too badly?”

“No, Katie. I was just surprised. That’s all. Baby, the floor’s getting wet. Get in or close the door.”

To his amazement, Kate shed her robe and stepped into the small space behind him. He reached over and closed the shower door. This was something out of one of his fantasies.

Kate soaped her hands and bathed the scratches gently. Once rinsed, she placed a kiss on each one. With each touch of her lips, Josh got harder.

“You’re killin’ me,” he muttered.

“I’m trying to heal you.”

“You wanna know how many times I imagined this?”

“Me scratching you?”

“No. You and me naked in the shower.”

“I certainly hope we were naked if we were in the shower.”

He chuckled at that. She was being deliberately obtuse. “I’ve dreamed of making love to you in the shower.”

“You have? Isn’t that kinda hard?”

It was his turn to tease. “I’m very hard.”

“How does this dream of yours usually go?”

“We take turns soaping each other.”

“Then?”

She was making him crazy, pressing her sweet, little breasts against his back. What he wouldn’t give to spend all day loving her. But they both had planes to catch. He had to get back to the tour and she had to return to Orlando.

“Then I lift you up against the wall, so I can make love to you.”

“Okay.”

“You sure? You’re so new at this. You’ll be too sore to walk -- and I don’t have any protection on me.”

Her voice relayed her disappointment. “Oh.”

He turned to face her. “You should know by now that I don’t have to do anything about it every time I get aroused.” He grinned. “I spent the last coupla months in that state.”

“I want you, too,” she confessed.

He turned the water taps off. “Then I’ll take a quick shower later.”

Josh stepped from the shower and lifted Kate in his arms. Carrying her back to bed, he made slow, breath-taking love to her -- and the bed got very wet.