Chapter One: Learning the Rules
"What’s he doing here?” Kitty demanded of Joey when Josh showed up on the set yet another day.
“He is my friend. He has a name.”
“And which one is he using today?”
“You know, I thought you were pretty fair-minded, Kit.”
“I am.”
“Yeah? Tell that to JC.”
She didn’t want him to be JC, popstar and in a long-standing relationship. She wanted him to be Josh and hers.
The momentary quiet was not lost on Joey. “Kit, he’s a real stand-up kinda guy. Loves family. Certainly not a player.”
“I don’t particularly care if he helps little old ladies across the street and tosses his jacket over mud puddles in chivalrous gestures. If he’s seeing someone else, I have no interest.”
Joey grunted, “You would if you met her.”
“I’m not into rescuing grown men from bad relationships. That’s his work to do.”
“He’s nuts about you.”
“That’s his problem. Not mine.” Well, she was lying on that one. She did care and cared very much, despite trying not to. Who could be treating him so badly? And why would whomever she was want to? Josh seemed like the type who would give his mate the moon if he could. Kitty gave herself a mental shake. She knew nothing about the man she professed no interest in. Placing her hands on her hips, she glared up at Joey. “Now hear this loud and clear. I am not second string to anybody. I have to be ‘only’. I’m kinda selfish that way.”
“What makes you think you wouldn’t be?”
“The fact no one is denying he’s already in a relationship.”
“If you call it that.”
“I don’t care what name you place on it. The fact remains, there is a ‘someone’. Now, stop pestering me!” With that, Kitty stomped away.
By the stiff set of her shoulders, Josh could see Joey’s talk with Kitty had not gone well.
“Little bitch,” Joey muttered.
“Hey, now, don’t be saying that.” Josh felt the need to defend Kitty -- even if she treated him like a nasty disease.
“You hafta be getting to her. I don’t think she’d be so passionate about something that didn’t matter.”
Shaking his head, Josh asked, “What does she want me to do? Does she want me never to have been involved with anyone before her?”
“You’re asking the wrong person.”
“Has she never dated?”
“Probably not much. She’s never been the type to sleep around. Instead of sleeping with her male costars, she makes friends out of them.”
“I’m not her costar. You are.”
“All I can say is give it time. She hasta care or the sight of you wouldn’t upset her so much. She’ll have to spill eventually or explode.”
“C’mon, Joey!” Kitty called across the set. “We have a movie to finish!”
“Coming, Kit!” Joey added, “You little witch.”
“Who’s doing the singing for her?” Josh asked of Joey as they watched Kitty rehearse a concert scene. The woman’s voice was like an angel’s, pure and perfect. If it was some up and coming singer, he’d like to help her.
“Nobody.”
“Nobody?”
“That’s Kitty singing.”
“My God! She’s fantastic!”
“Yeah...Her cousin is a singer.”
“Have I heard of her?”
“Doubt it. I haven’t.”
“When this sound track comes out, she’ll have people lining up to sign her.”
“Yeah, maybe we should tell Lance.”
“That was great, Kit,” the director told her. “Ready to shoot?”
“I flubbed that step.”
“You made it look like part of the dance,” he assured her.
“You sure? I can run through it again.”
“Everybody messes up a little every night during a tour,” Joey assured her as he and Josh came down to the stage.
“Sure they do,” Kitty muttered. Why was Josh still hanging around? Didn’t he get the picture?
“Well, except for JC here. He prides himself on being perfect.”
“Does he?” she asked coolly.
Despite the fact she treated like a cockroach, Josh offered her some advice. “You’re over-thinking the move.” With strong arms, he hefted himself up onto the stage and moved to the spot where she was tripping herself up. He had watched her several times and though the hesitation wasn’t obvious to anyone, he had noticed. “C’mere.” He waved for her to join him.
Hesitantly, she went to his side.
“Sing the end of the chorus, just before you get to that step.”
If the film’s choreographer couldn’t cure her, what made him think he could? Still he did seem to know what he was talking about.
As Kitty sang, Josh moved in the steps she had been using. He hit the mark at the right time. “See, sweetness? You’re trying to sing and count, too. Let it come naturally.”
Josh did know what he was talking about!
“Okay. Now, you try it,” he urged.
Kitty did it once and it worked!
“Again,” Josh told her.
And again, she didn’t misstep. “Thank you!” Without thinking she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him squarely on the mouth.
Josh was stunned.
Kitty was horrified.
For a tense moment, there was silence as they stared at each other. In that brief, unguarded moment, Josh had tasted heaven -- and Kitty had revealed her true feelings.
“Sweetness...” Josh put a hand on her waist.
Kitty pulled away and replaced her mask. “I’m ready to shoot as soon as I get dressed.”
He was torturing both of them, Kitty thought darkly when Josh showed up on the set every day for three weeks. Of course, she was fairly certain he didn’t realize it. He thought he was only making himself miserable. Well, she was a darned good actress, so he’d never know how painful it was for her to see him day in and day out, knowing he could never be hers.
Joey had repeatedly tried to plead Josh’s case, telling her what a sterling character Josh was. The fact remained he was still linked with someone else. And Kitty had a 'no compete' clause in her heart. Even if she didn’t, it wasn’t prudent to try and steal lovers. If he’d cheat on one woman, he was capable of cheating on another!
“You ought to give yourself a break,” George scolded when he overheard Kitty had turned down yet another lunch with Joey and Josh. “You eat the guy up with your eyes when he isn’t looking. What makes you think he doesn’t feel the same way?” George knew for a fact, Josh had fallen hard for Kitty. The guy was in misery since the object of his desire treated him like so much nasiness.
“I have certain standards, George.”
“No one’s a saint.”
“I’m not looking for a saint. I don’t want a saint. I just require ‘unattached’.”
“She couldn’t mean much if he’s over here mooning over you everyday.”
“The fact remains there is still a ‘she’ in the picture.” Men didn’t seem to get it. Why was it so hard for them to fathom the idea that she didn’t want much, just to be the only love in someone’s life.
“Are you saying if he was totally unencumbered, you’d give him a break?”
Kitty looked up at her friends with sad eyes. “If there was no one else, he could have my heart.”
“Does he know that? Have you told him that?”
“Well...no.” That was something he was supposed to know already.
“Don’t you think it would be fair to do so?”
“So he can drop her? Is that fair?”
“Speaking as a man, I can tell you if he felt anything much for her, he couldn’t be chasing after you like the Holy Grail.”
“I’m hardly that.”
“To him you are.”
Kitty sighed and leaned against her friend. George was known as the love ‘em and leave ‘em type, a commitment phobe. To his friends and the people he loved, he was thoughtful, kind and generous. As a friend, he was caring and supportive.
“I don’t like it when things start so complicated.”
He chuckled and put his arm around her. “Believe me, kid. It doesn’t get any easier. But you want a permanent relationship, marriage and kids. This is a settle down and white-picket-fence kind of guy.”
“A pop star?”
“That’s what he does, not who he is. Are you just another Hollywood starlet? That’s how the tabloids see you. Right now, they’d snap a picture of us and call it a hot movie romance -- and you’re more like my kid sister.”
“It stinks.”
George grinned down at her. “Yes, it does.”
Kitty reached up and kissed his cheek. “I really love you, you know.”
“Yeah...If I were 15 years younger and wanted to get married, I’d give the kid a run for his money.”
Josh and Joey returned from lunch to see Kitty kiss George. The older man gazed down at her with genuine affection on his smiling face.
“Wish she’d look at me like that,” Josh mumbled.
“You want her to look at you like her father? Joey asked. He knew that was the sort of affection that existed between the costars.
“Are you so sure?”
“George has been dating her aunt Annie off and on since he bought the book rights to the movie we’re making now. That’s how they met. Kitty had tried out for a much smaller part, but she just blew George away with her performance. They reworked the script so that she could play both incarnations of the alien. I’m not saying that George probably didn’t try to get her. He’s got that reputation. He didn’t get far with Kit and they became friends.
“I forgot. You don’t know Kit’s bio, do you?”
Josh shook his head. All he knew was that he had fallen in love at first sight - and previously, he hadn’t believed in such a notion.
“Her folks were Catholic lay missionaries, both doctors. She’s been all over the world and this country. When she was seventeen, she was spending time with her aunt and cousin. Her parents were killed by South American rebels.”
“Poor kid!” It was another thing that drew him to Kitty. Despite what she must have suffered, she seemed very open and caring.
“The only thing that gives her away is the fact she’s still a ‘good Catholic girl’. She has even done mentoring for disadvantaged youth. So, there’s Kit Winston in a nutshell. She’s as good as she looks, the genuine article. So, because her aunt has been out with George, she wouldn’t date him for all the tea in China.”
“She won’t date me either -- or talk to me for that matter.”
“I might have a way around that. Her cousin Pet is coming into town with her new boyfriend. If I get a date and Kitty comes, she’ll need a date not to be a fifth wheel.”
“A group date?” The idea wasn’t all that appealing to Josh.
“It’s the only way you’ll get near enough to see what her problem is. She likes you, C, but something is holding her back.”
“So it’ll be you, your date, this Pet and her date, Kitty and me?”
“Unofficially you’d be her date.”
“Would I be able to have any time with Kitty?”
“It won’t be clubbing, if that’s what you’re asking. Pet is a Christian artist, even more morally strict that Kit. It’ll be dinner and old fashion dancing. All polite and very tame.”
“I’ll go.”
“Pet!” Kitty waved at her cousin when she spotted her and her blonde escort coming onto the set.
Pet was a far different person from her, Kitty thought as they approached. Pet had long dark auburn hair and hazel eyes. Her peaches and cream complexion freckled with too much sun. Pet also had a honeyed Southern that tended to make men melt from her youth spent in Kentucky. Pet also lived a pure life of goodness and love, despite coming from a broken home. Pet had always been the family angel while Kitty had named God’s Wild Child. They were both short and went to church. That’s where all family resemblance ended!
“Where are the others?” Pet asked.
“They’re all meeting us here. Since I had to shoot later than expected, we figured it was easiest to leave from here.” She had also balked mightily when she discovered that Joey had maneuvered her into having Josh as an escort. How she’d survive the evening without giving herself away had yet to be seen.
“Where are my manners?” Pet introduced the two people. “Kitty, Lance. Lance, my cousin Kitty Winston.”
Despite having a sweet baby face, this Lance’s voice was low and mellow, having a differing Southern draw from Pet’s. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Kitty. Pet’s told me a lot about you.”
“Whatever it was, I’m only half that bad,” Kitty remarked dryly.
“No, she’s been telling me how wonderful you are.”
“Oh, no! She wants something!”
“Actually, now ya’ll mention it---” Pet began.
“When the accent gets thick I’m in trouble.”
“There is this sort of Mary Magdalene part in ‘Joshua’, that’s the working title of this script I’ve been working on, that I wrote with you in mind.”
“I’m committed here.”
“We’re gonna test it as a play first to see how it goes. We won’t be filming for quite a while.
“Lance is going to ask some of his band mates if they’d be interested.”
“You’re in a group?” Kitty asked Lance. “Have I heard of you?”
Pet rolled her eyes. “Earth to Kit! Hello!...I don’t listen to a lot of mainstream and I know the group.”
“Man! The traffic is backed up tonight,” Joey’s voice boomed across the lot. He had a tall, willowy blonde on his arm.
“Joey?” Lance turned to see his friend.
“Lance!” Joey chuckled. “All we need is Chris and Justin.”
“Where’s Jace---”
Josh was bringing up the rear, looking thoroughly harassed. “I thought I’d never get here on time.”
“And we know how you are about punctuality,” Lance announced teasingly.
Once all six were gathered and paired, Kitty stated, “I take it you guys know each other.”
“We’re only missing two others from the group,” Joey told her.
“Kitty doesn’t know who ya’ll are,” Pet offered. “She’s into jazz and Christian contemporary, and some country music.”
“Jazz? Really?” Josh perked up. Jazz was one of his favorites as well.
Kitty replied nothing, turning to the blonde woman she knew as an extra from the set. “I’m sorry, Ali. Joey’s being rude. Is there anyone you don’t know besides Pet?”
Ali laughed. “I know everyone here by reputation.”
“Ali, my cousin Perpetua Janeway. Now, you know why we call her Pet.”
Ali extended her hand to Pet. “You’re CD Perpetua Motion is doing well in cross-over.”
Pet gave her a warm smile. “Thank you for noticing.”
“Pet,” Lance indicated his friends. “Joey and JC.”
Pet shook each man’s offered hand. “The flirt and the serious one.”
Josh was the ‘serious one’? Kitty found that interesting.
“So, where’s dinner?” Pet demanded. “I’m starving!”
Since each couple took a different car, Josh had some alone time with Kitty.
“Will you give me a chance to explain?” he asked quietly when she hadn’t spoken to him.
“As long as you realize it changes nothing.” Kitty had felt an immediate attraction -- no, more than that -- a connection -- to Josh the moment their eyes had met. It bothered her that despite of her rules, she had been sorely tempted to fall in love with him. Immediately she had to chastise herself for self-delusion. She had fallen in love already. She just refused to act on it.
“As you can probably guess, I’m not real smooth with woman. I don’t have Joey’s easy charm or Chris’ playfulness...And I don’t have a lot of time to date. Yeah, it does look like I’ve been with the same person that long. But it’s been more out of convenience than any real relationship.” He skipped the part about having a sex partner, figuring it wouldn’t help his case in the least! “She got to be seen and I didn’t have to go dateless.”
“Are you so certain she’s aware of that?”
“Yes. It’s suited us both.”
“So, she would have no problem with you telling her you wouldn’t be seeing her anymore?”
“She’d be pissed,” he told her honestly. “Is that all it’ll take to have you look at me they way you did before I was JC to you?” he asked hopefully.
“Yes,” Kitty answered softly.
“Consider it done.”
“I’m sorry. It doesn’t work that way. You have to do it before it’s done.”
Josh nodded. He was more than willing to do whatever it took for Kitty to give him that loving, dazzling smile she had the first few minutes of their acquaintance.
Kitty changed the uncomfortable subject. “George said you tried out for the part of Tyler Matson.”
“I got it.”
“You did?” As far as she was concerned, Josh wasn’t right for the part of the spoiled, selfish man who caused her character to commit suicide.
“Maybe I’m a better actor than I thought.” Or maybe George, who’d had the ultimate say, had taken pity on him.
“Could be.”
Removing one hand from the wheel, Josh took Kitty’s hand. Immediately, she pulled it from his grasp.
“I’ll tell her, sweetness. I promise. Then you can be mine.”
“And when I become someone you date out of convenience?”
“That’s not happening with us. We both wouldn’t be so miserable now if we didn’t feel so much for each other.”
Kitty nodded. “I did. The minute I saw you. That’s why finding out who you were was like a betrayal.”
Their eyes met for a brief moment. They were both feeling the absence of the other. When would they be whole? Completed by the other?
“I have certain rules I have that keep me from getting hurt like this. They’ve served me well,” she told him.
“I’m not saying it’s been a day at the beach, but I respect you’re convictions, Kitty.”
“There’s the restaurant.”
The three women were obviously intelligent and well-read. After dinner had been cleared, Pet told them about the theme of her Christian pop-opera production. One of the icons of Christian contemporary music, her mentor, was enthusiastic about her script. Josh and Lance listened avidly, respecting the work of their perspectives mates. Joey was chaffing.
“Wanna dance, Ali?” Joey demanded.
It was in Ali’s eyes that she wanted to stay and listen. “Okay.”
“Kitty can fill you in later,” Pet told the woman.
“Thanks.”
As the couple departed for the dance floor, Pet leaned forward. “Anyway, my character is a happily married woman who gets drawn into the new crusade when she and her husband got looking for a childhood friend who has been drawn to the dark side of life. The couple encounter Joshua, the Christ-like character, early in their journey.”
“Brilliant stroke, that name,” Kitty stated. Looking at Josh, she said, “Joshua is another name for Jesus.”
“Originally, I was going to call him Chris. But that seemed so lame.”
“You could have called him JC,” Lance added with a laugh and a look to his friend.
“All right, you,” Josh growled teasingly.
“They did that in Jesus Christ, Superstar,” Pet pointed out.
Kitty waved her hand to dismiss that subject. “Continue.”
“Anyway, the three of them enter a city, kind of like a modern Sodom and Gomorrah.”
“Maybe like Las Vegas?” Josh offered.
Pet blessed him with a smile. He did seem to be following the line. “Godless like that but grungier, not as glitzy. They rescue their friend and get as many people as they can to join the Side of the Light. My character gets killed fairly early in the crusade and spends the rest of the time as a guiding angel. She knows her God’s purpose is for her to be sacrificed to solidify and draw Joshua’s people into a crusade.”
“Kind of how John the Baptist’s death impacted Jesus’ mission,” Kitty put in.
“That was my thought.”
Josh met Lance’s gaze. They were both amazed, proud and slightly amused the two cousins were so like-minded.
“What about this Mary Magdalene character?” Kitty question.
“I wrote her with you in mind. God’s Wild Child.”
Josh laughed, “What?”
“We were both very devout as kids, but Pet was much more introspective and studious,” Kitty offered.
“And Kit liked to test the limits, ‘live out loud’ as Gramps used to say. I remember when I was little, she nearly gave everyone a coronary when she climbed to the top of the highest tree in the meadow." Pet added, “She told us everyone said, “Heaven is up there’ and she wanted to see it.”
“How’d you get down?” Lance asked.
“I climbed down.” Kitty shrugged. “It just didn’t seem like a big deal to me.”
“That tree was three stories tall.”
Josh gasped. “Kitty, you could have fallen.”
“I had no intention of falling.”
“That’s when 'God’s Wild Child' was penned.” Pet frowned slightly. “Which wasn’t fair. Kitty is just as reverent as I am.”
Josh knew that for a fact. He took her hand to communicate his affection, only to have her withdraw it with a shake of her head. Not yet, she was telling him.
“So, who have you cast?” Josh asked Pet.
“I’d like Michael to do the Joshua part. I mean he is perfect. I wrote it with him in mind. But he isn’t comfortable with playing a Christ figure. My part. Hopefully, Kitty’ll come on board. Then we have my husband and a few semi-leads to cast.”
“Sounds exciting,” Josh told her.
Pet shook her head. “I’d love it if you guys could be involved, but there aren’t parts for all of you.”
“Hey, if we can work it, maybe we can do bits or walk-ons, even background,” Josh offered. “It could definitely get you looked at by a whole new audience.”
“Lure them in with you, then hope they get the deeper message?” Pet asked.
“Kind of like that, yeah.”
“You know I’m willing,” Lance told her.
“Well, in my humble opinion, we’ve got the cream of the group right here,” Kitty said softly, not even knowing who else was included.
Josh rose and extended his hand. “Dance with me, Kitty.”
Reluctantly, Kitty allowed herself to be led to the dance floor. The set was slow, couple’s music. Josh drew her close, resting his chin in her hair.
“You’re throwing mixed signals, sweetness. It’s like you’re saying, ‘I want you, but don’t touch me’. It’s making me crazy.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to do that.” And she sincerely didn’t.
“I realize that, Kitty.”
“I don’t like people who do that. I watched how it nearly destroyed Pet’s mother. Her husband was the master of ‘please, stay-go away’. Finally, Annie packed up Pet and left. He wanted all the comforts of marriage without any of the work.”
“Pet’s so sane and intelligent.”
“So’s Annie now. The movie we’re making now came form one of the books she wrote. That’s how she met George. They date once in a while, more friends than anything else.”
Kitty gazed into his earnest blue eyes. “I don’t abide game playing or cheating.”
Josh traced her jaw with a light touch. “I won’t do either to you.”
“Until you can tell me you’re truly free, you have no right to promise me anything.”
“I’ll have that right soon enough.” He lowered his head to kiss her and she ducked her head. His mouth brushed her hair.
“You have no right to anything until you are free.”
“Not even a kiss?”
“Especially not a kiss.”
She looked so sad and vulnerable, Josh pressed her head against his shoulder. He couldn’t hold her hand or kiss her, but while they danced, he could hold her in his arms. For all her bluster, Kitty needed to be held and he needed to hold her.
She shouldn’t be doing this, she thought morosely. His arms felt too good around her.
At her soft sigh, Josh nuzzled her. “I want to taste you so bad, baby. I dream about how you’ll taste when I finally get to kiss you,’ he murmured against her hair. “You’ll be like a rare treat. Sweet, exotic, tantalizing, intoxicating.”
“I’ve heard it said that some people can do it, but I never knew anyone who could do it before.” Kitty felt herself weakening. The heat of his hard body moving against hers and his soft, mesmerizing words were seducing her.
“Do what, sweetness?”
“Make love with words.”
"I want to make love to you with every part of me. Heart, body and soul. My thoughts, my words, my music, everything in me.”
“Josh?”
“Hmm?...”
“I’ve been saving myself for the love of my life.”
Was she saying he was the love of her life? He couldn’t ask, not yet. Not until he had the right to the answer. He merely tightened his arms around her.
When the last of the song faded, Kitty withdrew. “Until you can open your arms and offer me everything, I don’t want to see you. Good-night, Josh.”
“I’ll drive you home.” He tried to take her arm, but she refused to be held. “Kitty, sweetness tomorrow. I’ll get a hold of her tomorrow,” he promised.
She shook her head. He made it sound so easy -- She somehow knew it wouldn’t be. “I’ll get a cab.”