What was she saying? She was moving out? He'd just moved her in. Sorry? What was she sorry about? And there was no 'love' mentioned. It couldn't be!
Grabbing up the telephone, he dialed Chris' room.
"Yeah?" Chris answered on the third ring.
"I gotta get home.
"JC? Orlando or LA?"
"LA."
"But you just got back--"
"Kitty is trying to leave me. I gotta stop her."
"Okay, JC. Calm down. Drop your stuff off here and I'll see they get to our next gig. Lucky for you we don't have anything until tomorrow."
"She's my wife, man. I can't just let her go."
Kitty sat in her car, staring at the front door of Josh's house. She hadn't returned since the day she had left him at the airport. Avoiding stepping foot in the place, she had purchased a week’s worth of clothes and a new suitcase. Since she had to leave on location in a few days, she needed the rest of her belongings -- or at least, the things she didn't want to live without. Helplessly, she knew the one thing she would have to do without from now on was Josh's love.
Her sense of home and self had been shattered by her husband's abrupt determination she should live in his house. What prehistoric thinking! She hadn't figured Josh for a caveman. Hadn't she done everything but stand on her head to let him know she didn't want to live here? Uncharitably, she muttered, "Damn knuckle-dragger."
Taking a deep breath to steel herself, she got out of the car. She walked to the trunk and opened it. The car was too small to be able to take much with her, just the bare basics like clothes, her laptop, and a few pictures. The rest she would have to be put in storage somewhere. Sadly enough, most of her life was in boxes anyway.
"It isn't going to get any easier," she told herself. "Just get it over with."
Like a condemned man walking to the gas chamber, Kitty stoically walked up the front steps for the last time.
The taxi came to a halt mere inches from Kitty's bumper and Josh jumped out. He'd made it just in time if the open trunk of her car was any indication. Paying the driver, he ran up the steps, taking them two at a time. He had to stop his wife from leaving him. He had no choice in the matter. Kitty and their marriage were the dearest things in his life. He couldn't survive without her.
Josh stood in the doorway of the spare bedroom Kitty had commandeered as her own. He watched as she packed her largest suitcase. Her small train case, laptop and a tote bag already waited to be taken to the car. Evidently she was so intent on what she was doing she hadn't heard the taxi drive up or him entering the house.
"What in the hell do you think you're doing?" he demanded in a low, rough tone.
Kitty gasped as she spun to face him. "Josh!"
"I musta got your little note earlier than you planned." He strode across the room and stopped in front of her. "I asked a question. What are you doing?"
Returning to folding her clothes, she put her back to him. "Packing."
"I can see that. Just why are you packing?"
"I'm going on location--"
"That's not what your note said."
This was the scene she had sought to avoid. It had been a coward's way out, writing that note, but she had known facing him would be too painful. "I am not staying here."
"What are you saying?" Josh was disbelieving. Sure, he and Kitty had their share of problems. Being apart so much had been a heavy burden for a new marriage.
"I'm moving out."
"No."
"I hardly think you can stop me. You aren't around enough."
"Kit, this isn't the solution."
"No, it isn't. The real solution would be to turn back time and undo it all from day one. I was an idealistic, starry-eyed fool to think this would work."
What was she saying? That she'd wished they'd never met? Anger was building, swamping the more tender emotions that might have served him better. "I complicate your life, is that it? Love is too much work for you?" he demanded sarcastically. He made a slashing motion with his hand. "So you're cutting me out of your life and stop loving me."
Kitty forced herself not to cry. Not love him? That would never happen. She was bound to go to her grave loving Josh. "We don't fit into each other's lives. The truth is we never have. I deluded myself into thinking that nebulous 'someday' would arrive and make it all better -- well, it won't."
Kitty placed more clothes in the suitcase. She had believed since she was leaving for location, this would be the ideal time to make the break. "I'm sorry I made you give up a woman who fit your lifestyle better than I did."
"I didn't give up anything I wasn't willing to leave behind, because I love you."
Her next words nearly killed her to speak. "Maybe Robin will take you back."
"I'm married to you," he reminded her. "Even if you say you're through, it'll never be over between us, Kit. You're mine -- and you damn well know it. And I am all yours. Soulmates, remember?"
"More like tortured souls" she muttered.
Josh stepped close behind her, placing his hands on her slight shoulders. "I love you sweetness," he whispered against her neck. Her shiver of awareness was unmistakable.
"That's just sex. Sex is easy enough to find, isn't it?"
"It is not sex, Kit. It's love."
Closing and zippering her suitcase, she shouldered him away from her. She hated this house. She refused to live where he had been with another woman. Didn't he understand? That's when it all went south for them. When he had bullied her into leaving her home for this place, that's when Kitty knew it was all slipping away. "I can't take everything right now. Do you want me to have it put into storage before I leave for Kentucky?"
"Dammit, Kitty! You're my wife--"
"That doesn't answer my question."
"Leave it." At least she'd have to return long enough to supervise the moving people.
"I don't know how long I'll be gone--"
"I said leave it," he repeated sharply.
"Thank you."
Her polite coolness stung him. She was walking out of his life without a fight. He hadn't suspected that of Kitty. She was a fighter. Didn't their love deserve a fight? Seemingly, she had no emotions -- when all he wanted to do was kick, scream, yell, or throw something!
Kitty removed her rings.
"No, baby…" Josh protested. Not her rings!
As if he hadn't spoken, she placed her rings on the nightstand.
"Kitty--"
"Good-bye, Josh." Kitty managed to keep her voice cool and even. All the while what she truly wanted was to cry and beg him to make everything right -- but there was the problem. He couldn't make everything right, not here. "I'm sorry I ever said 'yes'."
"No!" he growled. Hauling her roughly to him, he crushed his mouth down on hers; desperate for a response that told him she would stay. No matter how he coaxed or probed, she refused to open to him. She remained stiff and unmoved. Finally, he had to admit defeat and released her.
Resisting the double urges of putting a hand to her bruised lips and crying, Kitty reached for the big bag.
"I'll get it," Josh muttered as he hefted the large piece of luggage and her tote bag, leaving her to get the two smaller items. He walked down the stairs, out to her little car. Tossing the luggage in the trunk, he gave into the urge to slam the trunk lid down hard.
Kitty placed the other items on the passenger seat, then walked around the front to the driver's door. Climbing into her convertible, she set her sunglasses on her nose.
Josh came to place his hands on her door, willing her to stop this insanity. "I'll see you on location," he told her.
"I'm sure Pet--"
"I told her I'd do it -- and I will."
"Josh, I--"
He cut her of angrily. "I don't think I'm Josh to you anymore. I'm JC." JC had been someone she hadn't liked, let alone loved.
He refused to watch her drive out of his life, so before she pulled away from the curb, he went back inside. For the longest time, he stood in the middle of the living room, numb with grief. His wife, the absolute love of his life, had removed her rings and drove away with no intention of coming back. How could he feel when the heart had just been ripped from his chest?
After a time, he slumped to the sofa from Kitty's apartment. They had made sweet love on those cushions…Reaching for his cellphone, he punched in the number that never failed him.
"Hello?"
At the sound of his mother's voice, the floodgates opened. "Mom, she left me!" was all he could manage through his ragged sobs.
Kitty didn't know how she managed to stay on the road, barely being able to see through the blur of tears. Assured Josh wasn't following her, she pulled safely to the side of the road. Tearing her sunglasses from her face, she buried her face in her hands, crying for all the world like her heart was in tatters -- for it truly was.
Josh hadn't told his friends about Kitty's defection when he rejoined them. Chris had known why he had left in a rush and guessed from his friend's long silences the trip had not been successful.
"Wanna talk about it?" Chris asked Josh as the younger man stared out the bus window.
Josh shook his head. "What's to talk about? Kitty moved out. She said it was a mistake from the beginning."
"You two were so into each other." Chris took a seat across from Josh.
"Yeah, I thought so, too, but the last time she was blowing hot and cold. I guess, I should have known it was going wrong fast."
"Did she tell you why?"
Josh shook his head. "No. That's what hurts so bad. She wouldn't talk to me about it, so we could work it out. It was like a done deal before I ever got there. All I could do was carry her suitcase to the car."
"Maybe she needs space."
"Space? For the most part, she's had nothing but space."
"And maybe that was a bigger problem than you thought."
Josh shrugged. "She took off her rings and left them. She couldn't have been more clear."
"She's going on location, isn't she?"
"Yeah. With her cousin, Lance's friend, Pet. It's that film we're doing the gratis bit in. She acted like she was ready to get us out of it. She doesn't even want me on the set."
"Maybe she just needs time to rethink it."
"When Kitty makes up her mind, it usually stays that way."
"Wish there was something I could do."
"Thanks, man, but there isn't." Josh changed his mind. "Well, there is one thing."
"You name it."
"I know the guys are gonna start wondering what's going on. I don't want to tell them about this yet. I'm hoping it'll all blow over -- Actually, I'm doing some heavy duty praying."
"You got it, JC."
"JC." Lance pulled Josh aside as they guys got on the bus after the performance one night.
"Yeah?"
"I got a call from Pet earlier. She's worried about Kit."
"What about Kit?" Josh frowned. "Is she sick or hurt or something?"
"Pet says Kit's been real quiet." Lance grinned. "Which Pet says is nothing like Kit at all."
Josh had nothing to say. If Kit was miserable, she had done it to herself -- and him.
"She says Kit wasn't wearing her wedding ring," Lance stated quietly.
"I've got her rings."
"Why?"
"She didn't want them anymore." Josh moved away. "And that's all I have to say right now."
"Sure, C. Sorry I brought it up."
"I'm not blaming you. It still -- well, I guess, I'm still in shock."
"You two are perfect for each other."
“Tell that to Kitty."
"I will, the next time I see her."
It was becoming increasing obvious to everyone something was up with Josh. He and his band mates had been together too long for them not to notice. He spent increasing time by himself -- and he wasn't on his cellphone constantly, leaving phone-tag messages for his wife. The travel breaks hadn't seen him flying to wherever Kitty was for a conjugal visit. Those facts were telling -- as if his somber mood wasn't enough.
"Okay, guys, here's the deal," Josh had called his friends together. Chris and Lance knew what was going on in his marriage -- And Justin and Joey had to suspect something. So, he decided to put it out there. It wasn't as if Kitty was giving him any hopes of reconciliation. "Kitty walked out on me. I don't know if it's permanent yet."
"The little bitch," Joey grumbled.
"Hey, now! You know how I feel about that," Josh warned him.
"How can you defend her? She's been bustin' your hump since the day you met her."
"We're having problems, but that doesn't mean I don't love her."
Josh took a deep breath. Just thinking about those last minutes with Kitty, when she took off her rings, still made his chest ache. "I don't expect anything. I just wanted to let you know where my head's at."
"In Kentucky." Lance gave him a sad smile.
"Yeah, in Kentucky."
Justin rose to punch Josh in the shoulder. "It's a rough one, C man. I'm sorry."
"Thanks."
Joey said, "I'm sorry I ever wanted you two to meet."
"I'm not. I love her and I'm not givin' up without one helluva fight."
"I still say she's been workin' you since day one."
"I understood why then. I don't understand what's wrong and she won't tell me. That's the problem."
"You're better off with out her."
"No, I'm not. I'm bleedin' without her."
Kitty lay in Pet's guest bedroom, staring up at the ceiling. As nice as the accommodations were, they weren't home. She didn't have a home. The man she had promised to love forever had taken it from her in an act of selfish, male pride. She hadn't really expected that of Josh. Evidently, she had given him far too much credit for sensitivity. How could she have been so wrong about a man? Her radar had never failed her so badly -- it had never failed at all before Josh.
It was pretty laughable, really. "Touch-Me-Not-My-Heart-Is-Mine" Kitty Winston had stumbled. Stumbled? She had taken a header off a steep cliff!
But if Josh was really so wrong for her, why did she miss him so horribly? Why did she want nothing more than to track him down and beg him to make everything right again? He'd had the power to do so before.
It couldn't be all wrong, not from the way she felt. Maybe given time, he'd realize…Did her aching heart have time?
She punched in his cellphone number.
"JC."
The initials flashed in her mind. "I don't think I'm Josh to you anymore. I'm JC."
"This is JC. Anyone there?…Sweetness, is that you?…"
It echoed in her head. "I'm JC."
"Kitty, if it's you, please, baby, I--"
Kitty hit 'end' and dropped the phone as if it were on fire.
"Was it a crank?" Lance asked.
Josh shook his head. He knew in his heart it was his wife. "I'm pretty sure it was Kitty."
"What'd she say?"
"Nothing. I heard a little gasp, then she hung up."
"Then she's trying to reach out to you."
"It'd be a helluva lot easier if she'd just talk to me."
"Sweetness, it's Josh. Won't you, please, talk to me?" Josh sighed heavily into the receiver. He'd been dialing her cellphone for days with no luck. Was she even listening to the messages or deleting them immediately? "Baby, I know I said some hurtful things, but you know I didn't mean a word of it. You gotta know how much I love you. Whatever I did, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you. Just tell me how. Call me, okay? I need you, sweetness. I'm dyin' here without you…I love you, Kitty."
Kitty listened to Josh's unbearably tender message as she had the dozen others and hit save. It was a form of self-torture, replaying those heart-breaking messages. Her heart was bleeding for want of Josh. She was a mere shell of herself without him.
But she also knew being forced to live in that house would be just as sure a death. And in the end she would hate Josh for doing it to her.
Josh sat at the foot of the bed, staring at Kitty's rings cradled in the palm of his hand. He still couldn't believe she had taken them off with so little emotion and left them behind, declaring their marriage -- their entire relationship a mistake since day one. The diamonds seemed to wink at him mockingly.
His own wedding band, the one Kitty had bought and had engraved with "beloved soulmate", remained on his finger. As far as he was concerned, he was a married man and was going to remain such. He'd be damned if she could be rid of him so easily. He couldn't actively pursue her now; but the moment the tour was finished, he'd be all over her. There wouldn't be a place she could turn where Josh wouldn’t be. If she tried to file for divorce, he'd fight it every step of the way.
Kitty did love him, despite the hurtful words and her walking away. Something had made her run -- and he would find out what it was and fix it. Part of it was how badly he had handled her move from her apartment. He'd been a bully. He realized that now. He couldn't undo it -- he couldn't change the past. If she had seemed unreasonable to him, how must've he seemed to her with his 'because I said so' attitude?
He groaned. He had screwed that up royally. Kitty had learned independence at a very young age. A man telling her what to do must've really got her back up.
Punching speed dial, he was prepared to leave yet another message that would remain unanswered.
"Hello?"
"Kitty?"
Kitty didn't know what had driven her to pick up at that instant. She had managed to avoid Josh thus far.
"Sweetness, don't hang up -- Please," he begged.
"What do you want?" she demanded crossly. Acting was even easier over the telephone lines.
"You?" he asked hopefully. When silence greeted him, he said, "How about a chance to talk to you? Kit, doesn't our marriage deserve some dialogue?"
Still silence. He guessed it was marginally better than voice mail.
"I got a break coming in a couple of days--"
"I'm busy."
"I know that, sweetness. I'll come to you and--"
"No."
"Kit--"
"I don't want to see you. I don't want to talk to you. And I wish you'd quit calling me."
"Baby, I realize I made some huge mistakes--"
"Good-bye."
The connection went dead.
"Damn!"
If anything, Kitty had hardened her heart even more with the time and distance.