“Wow…” Christina murmured softly.
“Bad?”
“She is pleading your case for you. She says how wasted you were. You don’t remember having sex with her, because you didn’t. You fell asleep and deflated before she was done with her blowjob,” she mused.
“Some stud I am, huh?” he murmured sheepishly. It may have been great news for their relationship, but it played hell with his male ego.
“You’re a stud where it counts, lover, “ she told him huskily, her arms twining around his neck.
“Where would that be?”
“In my bed.” She urged his head down for a hot kiss.
“Honey…” His body was tight as a bowstring, but he wasn’t letting himself off the hook so easily. “I still picked her up with the intent,” he reminded her.
“And we already discussed the consequences of doing so again.”
“Painful consequences.”
“Uh-huh.” She nibbled at his chin, then his throat.
“Christina…”
“We haven’t tried out that bed upstairs yet.”
“Wanna?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Wanna get freaky with me, honey?”
“Nasty freaky.”
“So I guess my taking you out to lunch is off the agenda for the afternoon?”
Taking his hand, she backed towards the staircase. “The only thing on the agenda the rest of the day is burning up the sheets.”
“I can do that – as long it’s you and me making the fire.”
“Just you and me, JC.”
Scooping her up, he carried her to his big bedroom and tenderly placed her in the center of his large bed. “You and me, Christina, today and always.” He came down beside her. Their hands explored and caressed while their mouths melded, their tongues twining and mating. JC couldn’t get enough of her flavor; he wanted to devour her, to consume her.
Tearing his mouth from hers, he skated it across her cheek to her ear. “I love you, Christina…” he whispered, licking the shell of her ear. “Thank you. Thank you for still wanting me…I can’t lose you or I lose everything…”
“I’m here, baby,” she assured him on a sigh when his mouth moved to nibble the sensitive cord at the side of her neck. “I am so still here.”
Lifting his head, he gazed into her love soft-face. His eyes were fathomless blue, untroubled for the first time in weeks. None of it mattered, he realized. None of it. Not if he still had Christina’s love.
“Me too, JC,” she whispered as if he’d spoken aloud. She nibbled at his throat, moving downward. She sucked at the pulse beat above his ever-present lion medallion as she began unbuttoning his shirt. He groaned. She knew full well that was one of his ‘sweet spots’. Her hot little mouth followed the path of revealed flesh as the fabric parted, leaving a trail of damp, sizzling kisses.
“Honey, you’re making me crazy,” he moaned when her tongue dipped into his navel to tease. He gasped when her teeth grazed his hard belly before her mouth made a return trip up his torso.
“I love how responsive your nipples are,” she murmured before her tongue teased one into hardness. He’d found their sensitivity somewhat an embarrassment, peeping through the fabric of his shirts at will. But if she found it something to like…”It’s such a turn-on for me,” she added before she sucked on it.
JC melted back into the mattress, totally under her spell. He luxuriated in every sweep of her tongue, every wet kiss, every tug of her lips, every bite of her teeth. His vixen, his goddess. “Oh, yes, baby!” he gasped when she teasingly sank her teeth into the swell of his jeans. He wanted to rip away the two layers of clothing separating his flesh from her mouth.
“Are we getting impatient, Mr. Chasez?” she taunted as she sat back on her heels.
“I want us flesh to flesh, Christina,” he answered truthfully.
“Then strip,” she commanded.
He didn’t need to be told twice. He sat up to toss off his shirt. He kicked off his shoes hurriedly, peeled off his socks, then pushed his jeans and shorts off, sending them sailing from the bed.
Christina laughed at his eagerness. “You could have done it with a little more finesse and given me a show.”
Waving at his raging hard-on, he said, “I am a little passed finesse.” And she was still fully clothed. “What’s wrong with this picture?”
She fluttered her eyelashes innocently. “I don’t know. What?”
“I am the only one naked.”
She pretended to pout. “I thought you liked this sundress.”
“I do, C. Don’t get me wrong. But I want to touch every inch of that sweet body of yours.” He knelt before her to grab the hem of her short dress and swept it from her body. All that remained was a little pink thong and her sandals. He removed the shoes.
“JC…” she whispered as she reached her arms around his neck.
His mouth came down hungrily on hers as he bore her down to the mattress. As their lips and tongues played, his hands caressed her arms, her breasts, her belly, her thighs – anywhere he could reach. They came back to her breasts t, stroking the hardened buds of her nipples, gently plucking at them with his fingers. He caught her gasps of pleasure on his tongue.
“Christina…baby, I’ve missed you so much…Nobody feels like you do, fits like you do, makes me crave like you do…” JC proceeded in bathing her with his tongue, sweeping over her flesh from her fragrant neck to her little toes. Making his way back up her legs, he tugged the now damp thong off and nuzzled her until her thighs fell open for his quest. He took his time exploring her petals with soft kisses and tender lashes of his tongue. When she was fairly weeping with pleasure, he gave her still more. Stroking his tongue deep, he grazed her tiny pleasure jewel.
“JC!” she cried out weakly.
Swirling and teasing the delicate pearl with his tongue, he made her nearly scream his name as she arched up and flooded his mouth with love cream. Greedily, he lapped it up before moving up her body once more.
“You…you were the eager one,” she reminded him breathlessly.
“Eager for you.” He grinned wickedly. “Damn you taste good!”
Christina urged him over her. “Now show me your other talent,” she demanded huskily.
“Singing?” he teased.
Wrapping her fingers around his hard length, she made him gasp. “If that’s what you’re calling it these days,” she taunted.
“Oh…that…You think I’m talented?”
She snorted. “Don’t fish for compliments, Chasez.”
JC smiled. He was pleased and grateful. They could still play while they made love. He hadn’t lost that most precious gift of their loving.
“I know, baby,” she whispered, reading his thoughts. “Make love to me.”
Pressing himself into her waiting heat, he made slow, tender love to her until she was begging. He gave her exactly what she wanted then followed her into the conflagration of pure bliss.
That night, JC took Christina out to one of his favorite spots, introducing her as his fiancée to anyone who cared to listen. When it came to grinding, it was only with her. He danced his attention solely on Christina. No other woman existed in his world.
Christina gave him points form sincerity and effort. She knew JC believed in their relationship when they were together. Even she trusted him when they were in the same city. It was when they were separated, now her doubts would consume her. And it wasn’t because she thought him some playboy who put notches in his bedposts. His problem was sloppy impulse control when he had a few drinks. JC was very emotionally needy and another woman appearing to lend support was very tempting after some Cristal and Coronas. She was not about to give up her career and way of life to be at his emotional beck and call – that wasn’t love that was co-dependency.
“Having fun, sweetheart?” JC’s arms came around Christina from behind. She was looking far too serious for a night on the town. Her answering weak smile wasn’t much in the way of positive feedback. Damn! She’d let him make love to her, but she still didn’t forgive him. “Wanna go home?”
“Whatever you want to do,” she said lamely.
“Christina, help me out here. What do I need to do?”
“I don’t know, Jace. I honestly don’t know.” She grabbed her handbag. “But I am fairly sure that parading me around like a trophy after publicly cuckolding me was not your best move.” She headed towards the exit with JC and Lonnie in her wake.
“That’s not what I did,” JC protested. “I brought you because I love you; I’m proud of you.”
As if JC hadn’t spoken, she looked to the big man who shadowed him much of the time. “How hard is it to get a cab, Lonnie? Or do I need to call one?”
“Fuck that. I’ll take you home,” JC grumbled.
“Are you sure you want to leave the party?”
“Dammit, Christina, what’s wrong with you?”
She spun on JC angrily. “What’s wrong with me?” she cried. “What the hell do you think is wrong with me? Everything I believed in fell apart and you want to prance around like it never happened!” When he tried to get a hold of her, she shoved at his chest. “Leave me alone.” She started down the street, daring him to follow.
“Honey, the streets aren’t safe alone at night,” JC called.
“Get him home in one piece, Lonnie!” Christina tossed over her shoulder.
“You don’t have a house key!” JC reminded her.
“Don’t need one!” she said in a singsong, taunting voice.
JC looked helplessly at Lonnie.
“I’d pity the fool who’d mess with her tonight, JC. I bet she goes into a restaurant and calls a cab.”
“Where’ll she sleep tonight?” JC watched as Christina turned the corner and disappeared.
“Alone.” Lonnie’d had JC’s back when he had pulled that stunt in Miami. He hadn’t said a thing, but even he didn’t know why JC acted the way he had.
A dry-eyed Christina checked into a lovely hotel. They looked at her strangely with no luggage but said nothing. Her Platinum American Express Card was the only explanation she owed them.
Once she was in her room, she crumpled on the bed, giving into the tears she’d yet to shed. Anger covered a lot of hurt and vulnerability. Unlike JC she had no family or long-time friends to turn to. She had always been fairly solitary – until she had accepted JC Chasez’s friendship. He made a better friend than a mate. No…that wasn’t fair, but then she wasn’t’ feeling particularly charitable.
Rolling over on the back, she stared at the ceiling. What was she going to do? How much doubt could she bear? JC was going back on the tour eventually and she couldn’t devote months to following him like an ardent groupie. She had a screenplay coming up and a movie shoot. How could they survive the separations? She didn’t want to be one of those clingy, insecure women who called to check up on their men constantly. That so wasn’t her style – cut and run was.
Christina had never let people close enough to hurt her. Dammit, why did JC have to have feet of clay? She wasn’t used to indecision. Fuck ‘em and leave ‘em. No hearts. No tears. She hadn’t cried over a man since her father died.
Her cell phone chimed. Pulling it out of her purse, she stated to the caller, “I don’t want to talk to you.”
“Tough,” JC said. “I wanted to make sure you were safe.”
”Snug as a bug in a rug,” she announced blithely.
“I’m glad.”
“Peachy—”
“Don’t’ you dare hang up on me, Christina.”
“What threat do you have to hang over me? You done your worst already.”
“Honey, I thought we got passed this.” He sounded and was genuinely confused.
“I shouldn't have come here and I shouldn’t have slept with you. It wasn’t right. I needed more time.”
More time to decide he wasn’t worth the effort. “Baby, let’s fly to Vegas tonight. We can be married—”
“You’re joking!”
“No, I mean it.”
“Have you been drinking? JC, I couldn’t trust you when I wore your engagement ring. Right now I have serious doubts that a wedding ring would change a thing.”
“That’s not true, Christina.”
“Jace, marrying you right now would be a huge mistake. If you would have asked even two weeks ago… It would be inviting disaster.”
“It would be wonderful,” he said quietly. “Sweetheart, I love you.”
“I don’t know what that means anymore.”
“We can’t work it out apart. You said so yourself.”
“Right now, JC, I’m not working on ‘us’, I am working on me. I’m sorry. I jumped right into forgiveness out of habit, because I do love you. I have to learn my boundaries, how much I can stand.”
Okay, he deserved that. He’d almost forced her to forgive him, knowing what buttons to push. He hadn’t done it deliberately, merely out of what she called ‘habit’. She had once said the time would come when he would have to be stronger, the torchbearer of the relationship – that time was now. “I have no right to ask, but I will anyway. Will you let me know where you are and if you’re okay?”
“I guess I can try. I’m not much used to checking in.”
“I’m not going to be monitoring your movements, C. I just want to know you’re safe. If you say ‘no’ I’ll just have to deal.”
“Okay.”
“And if you need me – for anything, and I do mean anything, a hug, an ear, just a few words – I’m there for you – as fast as I can.”
“Thank you, JC.”
“We were friends way before we fell in love, Christina. I’d at least like that back.”
“We’ll see.”
“It’s all I can ask. Goodnight sweetheart.”
“Night, JC.”
Ringing off nearly killed JC. It was the right thing to do for Christina, letting her go. It ripped his world apart, but then he’d provided the damaging tears himself. “I love you, Christina. Please, come back to me, baby,” he whispered to his dark, lonely bedroom. Burying his head in the pillow that still smelled of her and their love making, he tried to fine sleep.
Despite the fact that JC had never been very good about checking his voicemail, he had become diligent. The day after they had parted ways, he received his first ‘Christina’ update.
“I’m flying home this afternoon,” was all she said.
It wasn’t nearly enough—but it was all he could expect.
Karen Chasez loved her oldest son, but even she hadn’t understood what insanity drove him from Christina and ultimately caused her disappearance from his life. He arrived from Orlando very much like a broken boy needing support to hold himself together. She was surprised and pleased to discover he had let Christina go without wheedling.
“You know the old adage. ‘If you love someone, let her go. If she doesn’t come back, she was never yours in the first place’,” Karen reminded him.
“It was right for Christina. I know it. I’m not likin’ it one damn bit. But this is her time.”
“It takes a man to realize that.”
”The boy screwed up – the man is left to deal with the consequences.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“Wherever she is, I know she’s watching me, seeing how I behave. I’m not stupid enough to make those same mistakes. I’ll wait her out.”
”Wait her out? Josh, what happens if she calls one day and says, ‘I’ve decided it’s over?’ Have you even considered that?”
”I hope you’ll be around to pick up the pieces, Mom.”